The B@%*$ Project

Mar 5, 2009 at 1:03 pm

The Cincinnati Banks Project is getting a new name! Since 1996 the plot of dirt between the two stadiums has been scheduled for a major facelift. Like most ideas that will bring Cincinnati into the future where a community is based around the city center instead of a Walmart, this one will probably fail. —- Take for example the Cincinnati Subway that was never completed. Something like that would have revolutionized the city and made Cincinnati one of the biggest cities in the United States, but it never neared completion.

Cincinnati is cursed with poor management and just plain bad luck. As we start again trying to bring the city into the 1920s by introducing streetcars (again) and renovating downtown living, we are faced with another great depression. One perhaps even worse than the first that helped stop the progress of the now largest abandoned subway system in the United States. Since we don’t have the luck of the buck on our side, the city is relying on a simple name change in order to lift spirits and get the job done. Due to the dwindling economy, Cincinnati officials did not want the famous riverfront project to be associated with the current state of Wall Street.

Since September 2008 the word “bank” carries as much heat as “fuck,” so why keep the name “Banks Project?” Not only is it uncreative, now it sounds like a porn title. The city has posted a link on the Web site where we can vote on the new name of the B@!$s Project. Unfortunately the names are already chosen and are as generic as Dr. Pop. The choices are Riverfront District, Park District, Parkside and The Banks. Seriously, they want to change the name of the project, but are still keeping the original name on the ballot, come on! At least they didn’t “come up” with the obvious city center names like Greenwich, SOHO, Big Ben, Chelsea or any other stolen name from the British.

According to Channel 9’s Web site, Trent Germano, vice chairman at Carter, said, “This development belongs to the people of Cincinnati and Hamilton County. We want their input and support to help us create a final product that everyone in the region can be proud of.” Really? Where was the suggestion box for this? If this were true, there would be bike lanes, casinos, roller coasters and zip lines to get from UC to Great American Ball Park. As for renaming the project, they should just have a random lottery where everyone enters a suggestion and they are drawn out of a bingo drum. Then announce the winner during the first Reds home game on the jumbotron after the Kiss Cam. It will not only show the liberal side of the city, but also be a truth slam to all the D-bags that will pay a million dollars for a condo and will have to deal with living in the “Penis District.”