Remember Clippy? The helpful/annoyingly interruptive Microsoft Office assistant and anthropomorphic paperclip re-emerged from obscurity this week when an artistic rendering of a pregnant Clippy meme made its way around the internet. Clippy creator Kevan Atteberry came forward to take credit for the character, talk about its history and ask who knocked it up in an interview with VICE’s Motherboard this week. Attenberry has seen a lot of riffs on Clippy over the years, and he doesn’t mind because he wants people to remember the now-defunct office assistant (Clippy’s been retired since 2007). And if you’re wondering how a presumed male paperclip cartoon could become pregnant, well, you asked for it. Clippy porn is real. Google it. Sorry.
THURSDAY, APRIL 27
Music festivals are never as glamorous as they appear in celebrity Snapchat stories. Unless you have thousands of dollars to drop on luxury suites and hired plebs to wait in lines and save spots close to the stage for you, it’s pretty much a roughing-it experience. But the folks behind the first-ever Fyre Festival (who include co-founder Ja Rule) convinced regular people they, too, can enjoy a high-end festival experience in the Bahamas — they just have to drop $450-$12,000 for tickets. A supermodel-studded promo video promised chic eco-lodges, music by Major Lazer, Disclosure Migos, Lil Yachty and Blink-182 and gourmet meals. But when the masses arrived Thursday, they got FEMA tents, zero performances and sad cheese sandwiches. The two-weekend fest was in no way ready to go off as planned, let alone accommodate attendees stranded after flights were cancelled. The scene, documented for our enjoyment on Twitter, was compared to Lord of the Flies, The Hunger Games and District 9. But before you start feeling too bad for these folks, remember it’s a group of social media “influencers” who spent their apparently ample disposable income on a luxury island festival, got a full refund and tickets to next year’s fest (good god), some free booze and the chance to hang with those famous swimming pigs. Now they are part of a $100 million class action lawsuit. Not too bad for having to cosplay as a castaway for a couple days.
FRIDAY, APRIL 28
The Bengals drafted wide receiver John Ross with the team’s first pick in the NFL draft this week. The former Washington Huskies receiver is known for running the fastest-ever 40-yard dash at 4.22 seconds. As a kid, Ross played on the Snoop Youth Football League — that’s right, rapper Snoop Dogg’s nonprofit league for inner-city kids. Snoop even congratulated Ross in a video message. It’s no question Ross has been working on his speed on the field since his days in SYFL, and if you can run that fast with a contact high, that’s incredible talent.
SATURDAY, APRIL 29
Saturday marked Donald Trump’s 100th day in office, the annual White House Correspondents’ Dinner (which he did not attend) and Samantha Bee’s alternative event dubbed Not the White House Correspondents’ Dinner. Trump held a rally in Pennsylvania instead of attending the event, telling his crowd, “I could not possibly be more thrilled than to be more than 100 miles away from the Washington swamp.” Yeah, we get it — you hate your job, welcome to the club. Daily Show correspondent Hasan Minhaj hosted “nerd prom,” killing with jokes and calling out the press. That call for journalistic responsibility was noticeably absent from Bee’s event, which Slate slammed as liberal fan fiction (there was literally a Man in the High Castle-inspired skit that offered a peek into what a Clinton presidency would look like in an alternate reality). But we thought liberal fan-fic involved burqas and drag queens...
SUNDAY, APRIL 30
Can we talk about McDonald’s recent advertising efforts? Because bah-da-bah-bah-bahhh, we’re loving it. Mindy Kaling stars in a series of ads that don’t mention the golden arches once. It actually sounds like a Coke commercial, with Kaling hinting about a spot where Coke tastes best. We all know McDonald’s Cokes are the literal nectar of the gods and it’s actually because they have sneakily gigantic straws to funnel in that caramel-colored sugar water. And now there’s a “frork.” Not hybrid spork utensil or even a fork for fries, but a fork made of fries, to catch the toppings that drip off Micky D’s new sandwiches. From the amount of brand recognition it takes to pull off a commercial that doesn’t mention the product to edible utensils, McDonald’s could not be more of an American institution.
MONDAY, MAY 01
While “nerd prom” was Saturday, “fashion prom” took place Monday at the Met Gala. Apparently the Met Gala is an annual Metropolitan Museum of Art Costume Institute benefit, but it sure seems like an excuse for celebs to wear the most outrageous high-fashion for the world’s biggest game of “Hot or Not?” What goes on inside? Has anyone ever even seen inside the Met Gala? The photos are always of the red carpet. We’re willing to bet that huge staircase people pose on leads to a door that opens to a parking lot where everyone’s limos are waiting. One of Hollywood’s best-kept secrets.
TUESDAY, MAY 02
Speaking of Hollywood, despite reports of a looming writers’ strike, the Writers Guild of America and the Alliance of Motion Picture and Television Producers have reached a deal concerning things like compensation and health care. Had negotiations continued, the Writers Guild was prepared to strike like they last did for 14 weeks between 2007 and 2008. For those who don’t remember, that winter was especially bitter because movies and TV shows came to a screeching halt. Late-night show hosts basically had to cancel shows or create their own material. Reruns aired all the time. It was basically the television apocalypse. For now, the work continues, but a future strike could push back seasons of popular fall premieres. Guess we need to turn this column in after all. What’s that? We are not covered by the Writers Guild and strikes do not apply to freelance CityBeat columnists?
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