Bernie Sanders is the gift that keeps on giving. The senator spoke on the Senate floor Wednesday, calling for Donald Trump to veto any cuts to Medicare, Medicaid and Social Security — something the president-elect promised in a May 2015 tweet. Sanders came prepared with said tweet printed on a poster that can only be described as “yuge,” and said Trump should come out and ask Republicans to quit proposing cuts or admit that he was lying. Of course, we knew what he was doing with that poster — it was way too perfectly posed for the internet to Photoshop. Although there is no meme more ridiculous or funny than what follows the original statement in which Trump claimed to be the first and only potential GOP candidate to state that there will be no cuts: “Huckabee copied me.” Eyes on your own papers, boys!
THURSDAY, JAN. 05
CityBeat is no stranger to the difficulties of maintaining a print publication — stressful deadlines, unruly freelancers (Hi!), the one-shot woes of actually printing something in ink that can’t be edited or corrected like an “8 of the Most Incredible, Amazing Things We Discovered Today” blog on a local digital lifestyle guide. Even something as obvious and important as a publication’s cover can be easy to mess up (we may or may not have printed the word “triangels” instead of “triangles” once). But Washington Post Express lowered the bar Thursday with its cover story on the Women’s March on Washington planned to protest Trump’s inauguration. The subject matter is certainly suited for The Post’s free daily component, but the cover was supposed to depict a group of people gathered in the shape of the women’s/Venus symbol (circle with a cross)... only it didn’t. They’re in the shape of the men’s/Mars symbol (circle with an arrow). The pub quickly acknowledged the error and tweeted a corrected cover image, and we feel for them, really. But maybe next week we can go over the idea of using outdated binary planet hieroglyphics to talk about something as varied and gray as gender.
FRIDAY, JAN. 06
Tilikum, the killer whale that spent most of its life in captivity in SeaWorld, died Friday after being in poor health for about a year. The orca was 35 years old. Tilikum was at the center of 2013 documentary Blackfish, which looks into the negative implications of keeping such whales in captivity — the aggressive whale was involved in the deaths of three humans. The death coincided with the final weekend of Shamu show performances at SeaWorld. Following years of backlash stoked by the controversial documentary, the park nixed its longtime theatrical whale shows for what it says will be a more natural, educational “Orca Encounter.” So... can Tilikum replace Harambe now and take the heat off of Cincinnati Zoo?
SATURDAY, JAN. 07
Wendy’s social media has taken a savage turn of late. The burger chain has been taking swipes at Burger King and McDonald’s, and it clapped back on Twitter this week when naysayer @NHride claimed the restaurant couldn’t possibly use fresh burgers, to which @wendys suggested he may have forgotten about the invention of refrigeration. Nice try, “Thuggy-D.” After Wendy’s owned him, he temporarily deleted his account, which is the 2017 equivalent of crying home to mommy. Never accuse the late, great Dave Thomas of freezing his meat. And don’t come at Wendy’s unprepared for a burn that’s hotter than their never-frozen rectangular patties.
SUNDAY, JAN. 08
Jimmy Fallon hosted the 74th-annual Golden Globes Sunday, although you’d never know it if you tuned in 15 minutes late. After a La La Land-inspired cold open with funny appearances by the stars of The People v. O.J. Simpson: American Crime Story, Arrival, Mr. Robot and Stranger Things (of note: Eleven rapping and a synchronized swimming tribute to Barb), Fallon went into his opening monologue sans teleprompter. He ad-libbed for a minute, joking about already experiencing a classic Globes gaffe, but the mishap ate up a good chunk of his time. And then... nothing. Seriously, did we ever see him again? It’s not his fault the teleprompter crashed and perhaps his bits were cut for time, but Fallon might go down as the least memorable awards show host in recent history. Romantic musical La La Land swept, taking home a record seven awards. New comedy Atlanta’s Donald Glover nabbed Best Series and Actor (Comedy). Tracee Ellis Ross won Best Actress (Comedy) for Black-ish, a show Trump once speculated as being the most racist thing ever in this 2014 tweet: “How is ABC Television allowed to have a show entitled ‘Blackish’? Can you imagine the furor of a show, ‘Whiteish’! Racism at highest level?” Sure, why not?! Hugh Laurie, who was awarded Best Supporting Performance in a Series, Miniseries or Television Film for The Night Manager, predicted this would be the final Globes since a certain someone seems to be opposed to anything having to due with the words “Hollywood, “foreign,” and “press.” Queen Meryl Streep gave an award-worthy speech while accepting the Cecil B. DeMille Lifetime Achievement Award, pointing out all the outsiders and foreigners involved in these important works of art and called out for more empathy, referencing Donnie T. Trump fans were VERY OFFENDED by her digs at prez-elect, because celebrities should stay out of politics. Wait…
MONDAY, JAN. 09
Once and for all: Dan Nainan is not a fucking Millennial. The comedian whose bit is as clean as the energy used by his Tesla, who has entertained the likes of President Obama, Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump under the guise of being a 30-something poster child of the Millennia, was revealed by The Daily Beast as actually being 55 years old. Clue No. 1: He referred to himself as a Millennial.
TUESDAY, JAN. 10
After a week of “lasts” — Michelle’s final speech as First Lady Friday, some fancy White House party that, according to Instagram, every celeb was invited to that night — Obama was scheduled to give his farewell address in Chicago Tuesday. Pour out some malt liquor and sing along: It’s so hard to say goodbye to yesterday…
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