What a Week! June 22-28

The U.K. is breaking up with the E.U. and it's complicated; Justin Bieber is still a thing and was in town Friday; Hillary Clinton continued her campaign with a rally at Union Terminal and more.

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 22

After the Senate failed to pass gun control laws last week, members of the House took matters into their own hands. And by hands, we mean butts. Civil rights icon and all-around O.G. John Lewis led many representatives in a sit-in on the House floor to call attention to the issue and block any other votes before addressing the “no fly, no buy” proposal. Democratic House members also reportedly chanted “No bill, no break,” and shouted “Shame! Shame! Shame!” at House Speaker Paul Ryan as he entered. Is anyone else picturing a naked Ryan doing his walk of atonement through the House like Cersei in Game of Thrones. (If you are but only because you’re reading this — sorry!) The sit-in soon turned into a sleep-in as the protest continued overnight. Dems presumably passed the time braiding each other’s hair and playing Never Have I Ever. So what was Ryan’s solution? Vacay! He adjourned the House until after the Fourth of July holiday — meaning instead of working on a solution, these assholes get a 12-day vacation.

THURSDAY, JUNE 23

The U.K. is breaking up with the E.U. and it’s complicated. The Brits voted this week on whether to remain part of the European Union or to pack up their bowler hats and set out on their own in a move that’s been dubbed “Brexit.” For most people, referring to the U.K. as Great Britain makes them feel like fourth graders who just started learning about Europe in social studies class. So, pretty sneaky, Brits, trying to make us care about this situation with John Oliver rants and a hybrid name that resembles a celebrity couple’s moniker. That’s not helping anyone understand what the fuck this means. Thankfully, Lindsay Lohan stepped in to educate the masses by live-tweeting (and then deleting) as the votes came in late into the night. Lohan urged voters to #remain and called out the towns that supported the opposition. After it was announced that the city of Sunderland had voted overwhelmingly to leave the E.U., she posted on social media, “Where’s Sunderland? Does Sarah Palin live here? Lol.” Aw, Linds. She really might not know, guys. If this was happening in the States, who would be on which side? Lohan is clearly opposed, so we know that. Don’t old, racist southerners talk about partying like it’s 1861 and seceding from the Union country? #Texit

FRIDAY, JUNE 24

Justin Bieber is still a thing and was in town Friday prepping for a concert at U.S. Bank Arena when he huwt his ankle playing b-ball (outside of the school). Unfortunately he was still able to perform at his Cincinnati show. Is it passé to make baby Bieber jokes in the year 2016?

SATURDAY, JUNE 25

The Cincinnati Pride parade and festival took place today, celebrating the Queen City’s lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer communities. The annual event marked nearly one year to the date since the Supreme Court voted to legalize marriage equality and two weeks since the Orlando massacre at Pulse, a gay nightclub. Participants paid tribute to the victims during the parade. Naturally, some dicks tried to co-opt the event to bring attention to their own causes (“Bring your guns!”), but many of those were simply mocked (“Forget the guns, show your boobs!”) and no issues were reported. Chicago, New York City and San Francisco also celebrated Pride this weekend without major incident. President Obama declared historic Manhattan gay bar Stonewall Inn — site of the 1969 uprising that sparked the gay liberation movement — a national monument.

SUNDAY, JUNE 26

This week in “Hey, that was kind of popular 10 years ago. Wanna give it a try again?” news: HBO is reportedly developing a new comedy based on the novel Prep by Cincy writer Curtis Sittenfeld (City Councilman P.G.’s sis) with Game of Thrones executive producer Carolyn Strauss and 30 Rock writer/producer Colleen McGuinness. Anyone who knew or was an affluent young white girl in the early 2000s will recall the popularity of adultish rich kids at elite schools in pop culture — think Gossip Girl era. But Prep was less “Sex and the City for kids” and more “Midwest teen’s culture shock at Massachusetts boarding school,” and Sittenfeld was lauded for her realistic depiction of high school girls. But will HBO audiences value protagonist Lee’s relatable growing pains over sexy Serena’s salacious drama? XOXO…

MONDAY, JUNE 27

Hillary Clinton continued her Formation World Tour campaign today with a rally at Union Terminal featuring opening act Senator Elizabeth Warren. If $1,000-minimum fundraisers are more your thing, Clinton also rescheduled the June 13 dinner at Mayor John Cranley’s house for Sunday. For a donation of 10 grand or more, guests could get a photo with the presumptive Democratic nominee. All the cheap-ass supporters who could only scrounge up a measly $1,000-$9,999 had to settle for catching a glimpse of Clinton in a tent outside. No word yet on whether “I spent $5,000 to see Hillary Clinton and I didn’t even get to use Cranley’s bathroom” shirts have made the rounds. Monday’s rally was Clinton’s first public appearance in Cincinnati this election cycle and her first campaign stop with Warren, a potential-but-probs-not running mate (because dudes). Cranley offered to let Clinton spend the night after Sunday’s fundraiser, reportedly tempting her with his wife’s French toast recipe. Cranley has zero chill.

TUESDAY, JUNE 28

Kanye West answered the question, “What would it look like if you curated a Madame Tussauds exhibit from hell?” with his video for “Famous,” which depicted 13 naked celebrities (using synthetic bodies) in a bed. Cameos include George W. Bush, Donald Trump, Vogue’s Anna Wintour, Rihanna, Chris Brown, Taylor Swift, Kanye himself (obvs), Kim Kardashian, Ray J., Amber Rose, Caitlyn Jenner and Bill Cosby — all pantsless. So if you were ever wondering how it would feel to wake up after the world’s worst orgy, check it out.


CONTACT T.C. BRITTON: [email protected]

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