WEDNESDAY JUNE 29
The Covington Frisch’s opened to the public today fresh from a millennial makeover. The location serves as a prototype for the chain, which yearns to feel like a neighborhood diner instead of the place you go to bury yourself in French toast sticks after church. Thus, all restaurants will soon feature the location’s revamped, bright décor, as the company increases its social media presence. Even the restaurant’s mascot himself, Big Boy, went under the knife and came out looking a little less childish and a little more dudesque, swapping his chubby cheeks for a Jay Leno chin. Hey, your body, your choice, Big Boy. But if Frisch’s is really trying to market to a younger crowd, why not go all the way? Embrace the gut-busting breakfast bar as a means to nurse a hangover or the cheapest option to fill a hungry stoner. Give Big Boy an undercut and swap his toddler overalls for a nice slim-cut jean.
THURSDAY JUNE 30
Bank heist thriller Marauders premiered at Esquire Thursday night, and as local media universally proclaimed, Cincinnati was “the star.” On one hand, that’s fantastic — Cincy got to play itself for once, instead of having to be ashamed of its true identity and pretend to be a real city like New York or Chicago (which was the film’s original setting, before director Steven C. Miller changed the script after becoming enamored by the Queen City). The film boasts sweeping shots of downtown, the riverfront and loads of local businesses. But when a film stars Bruce Willis, Dave Bautista and MFing Detective Elliot Stabler himself, Christopher Meloni, and the best thing anyone can say is that Cincinnati looks great, it’s probably not gonna be a box office smash.
FRIDAY JULY 01
Serial fans’ (can we call them Serial Killaz? No?), rejoice: A Maryland judge has granted Adnan Syed a new trial. Syed, the subject of the first season of Sarah Koenig’s popular podcast, has been serving a life sentence for the murder of his ex-girlfriend Hae Lee Min for the past 16 years. Many listeners determined that Syed was not guilty, or at the very least received an unfair trial the first time around. Let’s see how supportive middle America is when they see the cute teen at the center of their fave podcast is now a bearded brown man sporting a knit kufi hat. (Read: Islamophobia.)
SATURDAY JULY 02
Garrison Keillor hosted his final episode of A Prairie Home Companion, signing off from Lake Wobegon after 42 years. Because when even NPR listeners find you boring enough to pose the risk of falling asleep while driving, it’s time to hang up your mic.
SUNDAY JULY 03
When quitting a job, it’s best to act carefully so as not to burn any bridges. Or go all out setting fire to that bitch. This week, an underappreciated People magazine reporter chose the latter. After 14 years with the gossip rag, Sara Hammel resigned with a letter sent to top editors at the magazine (and, later, the entire internet), who she called out for being harder to manage than the “entitled stars and their batshit crazy publicists” she worked with on a regular basis. After interviewing celebs from Geri “Ginger Spice” Halliwell to Robert De Niro, Hammel chucked her deuces, telling editors, “It’s not me, it’s you.” #printmediaheroes
MONDAY JULY 04
Celebrating Independence Day on a Monday is pretty un-American. Think about it: You’re turning up for a three-day weekend, only to realize six mimosas deep that you have a presentation due at work in less than 24 hours. This letdown can best be described as a bad case of red, white and blue balls. Thankfully everyone’s favorite holiday game, “Fireworks or Gunshots?,” continued uninterrupted by the holiday’s occurrence on a weekday. At least one American truly lived it up on the Fourth: competitive eater Joey Chestnut. The wiener-gobbling champ on July 4 won Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest for the ninth time, reclaiming his title from 2015 winner Matt Stonie (heh, stonie). Chestnut downed a record 70 franks in 10 minutes, beating Stonie by 17 dogs.
TUESDAY JULY 05
Nothing makes a person feel old and out of touch quite like the emergence of a new dance meme. Like, remember when the Harlem Shake suddenly reappeared in our vernacular about three years ago? The dance style popularized by a Harlem, N.Y., man in the ’80s picked up momentum in early-millennium Hip Hop videos. Flash forward a decade to videos of kids convulsing to EDM hit “Harlem Shake,” which progressed into a viral meme that was equal parts “Gangnam Style” and Ice Bucket Challenge (so, terrible)… but without any reference to the actual dance move perfected by the little girl in those Missy Elliott videos. Three years later we’ve learned nothing, and now there’s the Running Man Challenge. Again, the meme has little to do with the ’90s Roger Rabbit-style move. At least it features a banger: Ghost Town DJ’s’ “My Boo,” which does come from the same era as the titular dance move. The meme originated in the University of Maryland Terrapins’ locker room in April and, after being taken over and passed along by universities, police and fire departments and other entities, the Running Man Challenge has arrived in Cincinnati. Detroit Police Chief (and former CPD chief of police) James Craig challenged the Cincinnati Police Department to the dance-off, and CPD accepted. With the help of cops, staff, local kids, Reds and Bengals players and an arsenal of old-school moves, the video is seriously surprisingly entertaining. Cincy Police challenged the Hamilton County Sheriff’s Department, among others, and they dropped their explosive (literally) video this week. Both videos are a call to action to end violence and report drug dealers, and you’ve got to appreciate these old white dudes with moves — we’re talking the worm, pop-and-lock, the pony, straight-up grinding. But the production value of both of these videos is too damn high. Choreographers were surely consulted. They filmed at more than a dozen locations! Exactly how much of the budget was just dedicated to a dance meme?
CONTACT T.C. BRITTON: [email protected]