What a Week! Oct. 11-17

Taco Bell apparel, custom condoms, non-controversial, Jimmy Fallon, The Dress, The Shoes and Eminem v. Trump

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click to enlarge The Taco Bell/Forever 21 Fire Sauce onesie is real. - Image: Taco Bell
Image: Taco Bell
The Taco Bell/Forever 21 Fire Sauce onesie is real.
Late-Night Junk Food Go-Tos Expand into Apparel

What do you get when you mix fashion with fast food? Disintegrating leggings and diarrhea? OK, yes, but I’m talking about the Taco Bell-inspired line of clothing that dropped at cheap shopping mall staple Forever 21 this week. This collab features taco-laden T-shirts and bodysuits that look like sauce packets, plus hoodies, jackets and phone cases covered in the restaurant’s logo and menu items. The collection of men and women’ clothing and accessories nearly sold out immediately, and, yes, I know because I tried to cop some. Also worth noting: The sizing only goes up to a large, which in Forever 21 land fits the average 10-year-old, forcing most to decide between either eating T-Bell or wearing it. Meanwhile, if pizza is more your thing, Pizza Hut is using its newly developed delivery case technology to create a coat that will keep you as warm as a large stuffed-crust pepperoni. Made from the same material as the restaurant’s pizza delivery pouches, the parka boasts three layers of insulation, a windowed pouch for your cell phone (a.k.a. easy delivery ordering access) and pockets for parmesan, pepper and, of course, a pizza slice. With October being National Pizza Month (let’s not even go there with all these new fake holidays), everyone who places an online order with the Hut — or tweets pizza and fire emojis to @pizzahut — will be entered in a drawing to win this pizza parka. Talk about wearing your heart on your sleeve!

Custom Condoms Are a Thing Now

Everyone knows the concept of “one size fits all” is a trap. Most products have done away with the phrase because humans have weird-ass bodies that are all over the place in terms of sizing. You’ll still find it used on items like hats, gloves or socks and one item that’s a bit more intimate: condoms. These sexual raincoats have been around for centuries, but besides slight differences between brands, they’ve always come in one standard shape and size. Now, one Boston-based business is selling custom-fit condoms, with a range of 60 sizes, 10 lengths and nine ahem circumferences. And they couldn’t come at a better time! With women under threat of losing hormonal birth control coverage on employer insurance and abortion access dwindling each day, condoms might be the last shot at safe sex. However, a bespoke rubber would almost definitely need to be purchased by the penis-haver (or require an awkward encounter with one’s partner and some measuring tape), meaning the responsibility would lie with the dude. So we’re all probably screwed (in more ways than one).

Jimmy Fallon Isn’t Here for Your Politics

For people who haven’t stayed up late enough to catch the Jimmys, James, Stephen, Seth or any other nightly talk show hosts in decades, many have been vocal about the politicizing of late-night TV. Remember the good old days of Johnny Carson? That man never spoke of the government or talked current events! But there is one late-night host who answers those calls to “Stick to telling jokes!” and “Keep politics out of it!” and it’s Jimmy Fallon. While Jimmy Kimmel occasionally uses his monologue to draw attention to health care or call out hypocritical politicians, Fallon plays charades with Wonder Woman. Good-Time Jimmy memorably invited Donald Trump on the show last fall, kept the interview light and playfully tousled his “hair,” much to the chagrin of those who felt the appearance helped normalize D.T. just ahead of Election Day. At the risk of mimicking a president who talks about ratings like penis size, Fallon’s Tonight Show ratings are starting to sink and many believe viewers prefer a more woke host. Well, don’t expect him to start riffing hard on White House shenanigans any time soon, because in an interview on Today, Fallon explained that he’s more of a #TonightShowHashtags guy and it’s staying that way. “I don’t really even care that much about politics,” Fallon told Today. “I gotta be honest. I love pop culture more than I love politics. I’m just not that brain.” Dude sounds like a frat bro trying to explain why he couldn’t identify a photo of Mike Pence in one of Leno’s old “Jaywalking” segments.

“The Dress” of 2015 Replaced by Apparent Color-Morphing Shoes

It was a simpler time back in 2015. Barack Obama was our president. Parks and Recreation was still on TV. Lemonade was just a twinkle in Beyoncé’s eye. And instead of watching the world burn, we all turned our collective attention to a washed-out photo of “The Dress,” whose color changed depending on the viewer. Black and blue? White and gold? Everyone had a different take on The Dress. Now we have “The Shoe,” a pic of a white and pink Vans sneaker in circulation which, when viewed in weird lighting conditions, kind of looks gray and teal. Basically, when people see funny colors and lighting, our eyeballs try to auto-correct. Sometimes the result is seeing a color that’s not accurate. But… really? Of course when you apply Kardashian levels of Photoshop and filters the colors look different. Alas, The Shoe is no Dress. Is this just a desperate attempt to reclaim a more innocent time?

Eminem Condemns Trump in Fire Freestyle

Move over Mariah Carey, Marshal Mathers is beefing with the president now! During the BET Hip-Hop Awards earlier this week, viewers were treated to the viewing of Eminem freestyle rapping about Trump. Unlike Fallon, Em is never one to shy away from politics, and here he spits bars on topics like “the wall,” NFL protests, Puerto Rico, the Las Vegas shooting, racism and Donnie T’s penchant for extravagant trips on the taxpayer’s dime. And if you’re a fan his and a Trump supporter, Em says, “Fuck you.” Did Eminem get kind of hot? What is happening? With fellow Michigander Kid Rock possibly running for a spot in the Senate, could we see Eminem throw his hat in the ring? I can’t help but wonder, “But Slim, what if you win, wouldn’t that be weird?”

Contact T.C. Britton: [email protected] 

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