Whirlygig: 90: Out on the Town

Girl talk hops aboard a metro

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The Metrosexual Man
Variety makes the world go round, or so it seems. Goodness knows it's a relief when you're out with girlfriends and everyone has different taste in men. How horrible it would be if one particular man were the object of all the affection in the room. It could cause a riot or a catfight to make the 11 o'clock news.

Thursday night I ventured out to see some photos from the Paddlefest event held last month on the Ohio River that were on display at Joseph-Beth Booksellers at Rockwood Commons. After briefly looking over the colorful shots of kayaks and canoes, I cast my vote for personal favorite.

When the judges announced the winner of the photo contest, my favorite wasn't in the money, but I did end up winning a coupon for a free appetizer at the Hoffbrau House in a random drawing. Plus, I looked around the bookstore amusing myself with people watching.

All sorts of people look at all sorts of books. Being female and interested in jump-starting my personal life, I focused my energy on the guys in the place.

There were tall ones, dark ones and ones with interesting glasses. There was a guy sitting cross-legged in the aisle near the astrology section, where I paused to consult the zodiac on a whim. He seemed oblivious to the world at large. In the magazine section, four guys buried their heads in current periodicals on the subjects of fitness, travel and technology. Not a one of them made my heart go pitter-pat or seem worthy of an accidental book drop on the chosen one's foot. I did, however, think that Maddie would love the guy buried in the travel magazine and vowed to tell her that her man was at Joseph-Beth.

I realized it was time to head over to The Pub at Rookwood Mews, where Maddie and the gang were meeting me for a cocktail. Summer seems to have kept everyone busier than usual, and I was hoping to catch up on the juicy details over pale ale. Their lives have to be more interesting than mine. My latest exploits involve nothing more than a very cute construction guy promising to bring six strong men to the house to move the very large and heavy playhouse to a friend's yard. He assured me that one in particular rides a Harley and could amuse me for the afternoon. Let's hope he doesn't look like Willie Nelson.

The Pub was pretty crowded for a Thursday night. Then again, it's been a year since I was in this bar, so how would I know? All I do know is that the acoustics hadn't improved in a year.

I was glad to see Maddie and Sarah at a table on the patio, where we might have a chance of hearing each other over the din of the music and the laughter. Laughter is good, of course, and we quickly started adding our own to the mix as soon as they ordered vodka martinis straight up with three olives. Yep, they still like it shaken and dirty, if you must know.

It didn't take too long to know that their taste in men hadn't changed either. Sarah travels about 90 percent of the time for her job in international finance. She says it's hell on her plants and her love life. She has a recurring thing with Sam in New York but shrugs her shoulders when we try to pull the details from her. Sam, it seems, is a metro man as she calls it, and we both wrinkle our noses.

"What is a metro man?" I ask. "Is it anything like the Metro in Washington, D.C., which is my favorite subway in the world by the way? Fast and clean. Easy to use. Economical."

Sarah laughed and clarified that she meant metrosexual as opposed to homosexual or a man's man. Well, Maddie and I both have gaydar and could spot a gay guy confused about his sexuality from a mile away. As far as a man's man, are we talking cowboy type or the construction Harley rider in my future? Sarah told us that a man's man is one that other men talk guy talk with — topics such as golf, the stock market and fantasy football leagues. Oh yeah, I was married to one of those, I guess, but I wanted to get back to the metrosexual idea.

In a nutshell, Sarah said that metrosexual guys such as Sam dress like a million bucks and have closets that resemble the men's department at Sak's Fifth Avenue. They can be found at a salon getting a manicure and occasionally a pedicure while having his hair styled. We agreed that all men need their feet worked on, but who really wants to picture a guy having it done?

Sarah said that Sam has more skincare products in his apartment than she does and actually uses them. At this point, I had to ask about their sex, and she assured me it's great and that, no, Sam isn't gay or bi-sexual. Sarah is convinced that she would know, as he's been in her life now for over a year and a regular gig so to speak. He's just the modern man who has good taste in food, wine and all other aspects of life. His shoes are Gucci. His manners are impeccable. He always wants her to come first.

Maddie and I were quiet for a second. Then we agreed that if she didn't want him, we'd take him off her hands. At least until a man's man comes along who has more to talk about than work and reads more than the sports section of the morning paper.

What is it exactly that Sarah is missing with her metro man? I forget.

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