Worst Day Ever!

The Green Bay Packers defeated the Pittsburgh Steelers in the Super Bowl, leaving Pittsburgh quarterback Ben Roethlisberger reportedly looking all “winded and rapey” on the sideline. Christina Aquilera messed up the “Star Spangled Banner” before the game, later attributing the mistake to being “lost in the power of the song.” A few hundred fans who used their tickets to get into the game soon found out that they had no seats after engineers failed to certify the safety of several temporary seating areas in time for the game. They get a refund and a free trip to next year's game, in which their favorite team will almost certainly not be participating. And viewers enjoyed watching Eminem drive a new Chrysler through crappy parts of Detroit and parents who drive a Volkswagen Passat making their kid happy even though he wears a Darth Vader costume all day. —-

A series of events is scheduled this spring to slowly acclimate Cincinnatians to the area between the two sports stadiums that will one day be Riverfront Park for anyone interested in strolling across an eight-lane freeway on his or her lunch break. Or if you live down there.

Several big-city mayors and utility companies are lobbying for new rules because federal mandates are making it way expensive to decrease the 2.1 billion gallons of diluted sewage utilities such as Sewer District No. 1 pumps out every year. Stupid Clean Water Act.

Residents of Russel Township in Northeast Ohio have voted to allow alcohol sales for the first time since Prohibition. Now the line at the Circle K is longer and all the underage kids are drunk.

A Georgia Republican introduced a bill to change the state's criminal code so that all rape victims in court would be referred to as “accusers” until a conviction is found. In addition, stalking victims accusers and sexual assault victims accusers would abide by such language.

AOL bought the Huffington Post for $315 million. LOL.

There's some type of movement in England against rich people dodging taxes while services are cut for poor people. Kind of like America's Tea Party. The real one. Not today's stupid one.

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