Worst Day Ever!

Brennaman not afraid to speak his mind: Such was the headline of Monday's Charleston Daily Mail describing a keynote speech at a Marshall University baseball banquet during which Reds' announcer Marty Brennaman said the president of the university must be “queer” for softball. Brennaman's point was that only a homosexual would choose to spend $2.5 million to allow women to stay on-campus to play softball while making the men take their sexy tight pants off-campus for home games. The Enquirer asked Marty about it and he said he "probably could have made a better choice of words."—-

Please don't sanction me: After having his lawsuit against a Kentucky Supreme Court chief justice and the state bar association called total horseshit by a U.S. District judge, the Eric “The Bulldog” Deters on Monday cowered in a Frankfort courtroom, his little tail covering his genitals in shame.

Heartbeat ban: Republican State Rep. Lynn Wachtmann has introduced a bill that would ban abortions once a heartbeat is detected, typically within six to eight weeks of pregnancy. It is expected to end up in front of the Supreme Court once Ohio's Republican-controlled legislature rolls it on through.

Haters gonna hate: Miami Township spent $100,000 in 2002 to build a skate park so all the local skaters would hang out in public instead of abandoned warehouses, smoking weed and learning graffiti. Today the township is telling local BMXers to stay off the skate park, which is expected to negatively affect the ledges and handrails around all government buildings when the riders grind the shit out of them instead.

Help a brother bear out: A polar bear seeking frozen water swam 426 miles without stopping.

She has risen: Joan Rivers is back in pop culture's good graces after appearing as a sexy young body with an old head in a Super Bowl Go Daddy commercial.

Mmm … cakes that come in plastic: Sara Lee profit surges on gains. Confusing details described.

Jesus died for this commercial: Previously rejected John 3:16 Super Bowl ad runs in Washington D.C. and Alabama markets. Time to bow down to the cross.

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