Worst Day Ever!

Have you ever had one of those mornings where waking up is really scary? As if your bed is surrounded by alien lights, but you haven't opened your eyes yet because the aliens probably won't kill you while you're sleeping. Then you finally open your eyes, look around, wonder why you're sleeping with your head at the foot of the bed, remember that you do that every night because it's colder near the window and realize, “Hey, man, that was just a dream.”—-

That's what today was like for a lot of people, even if you were lucky enough to wake up somewhere pleasant after a nice night of sleep. Well, good for you.

But even you had to feel a little scared once you got to work and opened up the Internet to read about the latest news. (Maybe you listened to NPR on your way to work and felt the worry during your drive; either way.)

Basically, what you thought was a month-long series of nightmares — John Boehner being in charge of something other than how late on Sundays the TGI Fridays in West Chester can sell alcohol in 44-oz. fishbowls — is true: Today Boehner will give an acceptance speech detailing what the GOP needs to do with its power over one of the three parts of the federal government. Boehner released excerpts of his speech to media outlets that like him (the WDE! inbox remains empty save for an intriguing note about saving time by not using spreadsheets anymore), including the line, “No longer can we fall short. No longer can we kick the can down the road. The people voted to end business as usual, and it's time to pick up the goddam can and shove it up Barack Obama's ass.”

In other local news, the Cincinnati Bengals football team after two days of awkward non-announcements today rehired head coach Marvin Lewis for two years — about the amount of time it takes to lose 20 games. That should be good. CityBeat's Jason Gargano offered his take on the decision here, but be warned that while writing his thoughts down he got bored and ate a sandwich, so the story is mostly about that.

It appears that NBC next week will debut a new series set in Cincinnati. Harry's Law, which will debut 10 p.m. Jan. 17, reportedly stars Kathy Bates and its premise is a woman who's fired from a big downtown law firm moving into what appears to be Over-the-Rhine and opening a private practice that also sells shoes. The lawyer/shop owner is expected to expand her retail offerings to include handbags and DUI defense should the series be picked up for the fall.

On to the bullets:

  • Toby Keith is set to open his new restaurant Saddam's Last Meal I Love This Bar & Grill at The Banks this summer.

  • Streetcar opponents won't let us have our trolly without a fight.

  • Steve Chabot started his first day back at work by reportedly watching the news, shaving and getting ready for any other day of being a mean old guy.

  • People who like to shoot bows and arrows within the Fort Thomas city limits might have to get all their killin' out of their systems this year, as the city's ordinance allowing in-neighborhood hunting is expiring. City Council can reconsider this tread on its citizens rights during the spring.

  • John Kasich won't let any news media attend his swearing-in ceremony, and he apparently decided this before we not so cleverly insinuated yesterday that he is an asshole.

  • A new study suggests that you can predict how long old people are going to live based on how fast they walk.

  • It's going to snow next week. (No link – just a prediction.)


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