Worst Week Ever!: Dec. 10-16

No matter what or how you celebrate this time of year, one binding factor is that every child we are related to is going to expect lots of gifts and they’re going to be expensive and probably only played with or used for a few weeks before being forgotte

Local Dad Gets Pissed at Target for Making Black Barbie Dolls Cost More than White Ones

Merry Christmas. Happy holidays. No matter what or how you celebrate this time of year, one binding factor is that every child we are related to is going to expect lots of gifts and they’re going to be expensive and probably only played with or used for a few weeks before being forgotten. That said, you still have to get things for kids, otherwise people will think you are an awful person. A Kennedy Heights dad doing some online shopping for his daughter recently had an even more frustrating shopping-for-kids experience than most after perusing Target.com for an in-demand Barbie Fashion Maker African American doll. What he found was that the light-skin doll was on sale for $23.49 and the African-American version cost more than double that, retailing for $49.99. After the dad tweeted about this and people all over the country responded in the modern lexicon of “SMH” and even “SMDH,” a Target representative released the following statement: “Both dolls should have reflected the same pricing, however, due to a systems issue this change did not occur. We appreciate you bringing this discrepancy to our attention and have since adjusted the pricing and product detail listing.” At a time in this country where race relations are, um, not as good as they could be for a variety of reasons, it is important that all children these days are given the same opportunities to acquire and play with toys that reinforce negative gender stereotypes.

Keystone XL Pipeline’s Future in Doubt After Rich Oil Dudes Bitch About Profitability

Dirty hippies and many other North American humans have staunchly opposed the construction of the Keystone XL Pipeline since it was first proposed. The pipeline has been discussed for more than six years now, and, basically, the people who stand to get even richer from its construction have been all about it while pretty much everyone else thinks it’s a terrible idea with destructive potential. The showdown between those who care about the earth and those who care about mining its resources to buy shiny things for their loved ones might not happen now, according to the LA Times. It seems that the plan to pump Canadian tar sands all the way down to refineries on the Gulf Coast may no longer make economic sense. Plunging oil prices could make the cost of constructing and running the pipeline outweigh the long-term profit potential originally projected for it. Oil industry analysts’ projections are music to the ears of Greenpeace and other activists, who note that unlike when the point was raised six years ago that this thing was going to massively fuck up the environment, the potential loss of revenue is something that American society will deem actually worth acting upon.

U.S. Government Gets Confused, Barbarically Tortures Innocent People, NBD

We were all raised to believe that America is the best country and that we do things differently than all the savages and wackos living in other parts of the planet we’re all polluting and destroying together. However, it seems that over the past decade or so America has been engaging in torture tactics so barbaric that we had to coin the term “enhanced interrogation techniques” to make beating and freezing detainees to death in undisclosed black sites in remote areas sound more palatable. The release of a recent 6,000-page report detailed all the fucked up and unjustifiable things that war criminal Dick Cheney and pals authorized, even admitting that 26 of the people who were sadistically tortured were mistakenly detained and had nothing to do with what we were torturing people for at all. The CIA addressed this troubling matter, noting that when you don’t view or treat others as humans it’s a lot easier to get them mixed up, and when you take into account the scope of the torture programs the people who were mistakenly detained and physically and mentally scarred for life only represent a small percentage of those involved.

Cleveland Police Kindly Ask Browns Players to Ignore the Shooting Death of a 12-Year-Old

Former Bengal and current Browns wide receiver Andrew Hawkins pissed off the Cleveland Police Department by wearing a T-shirt during warmups prior to Sunday’s game that read, “Justice for Tamir Rice and John Crawford.” The CPD has asked athletes and all non-law enforcement officers to tread lightly around their feelings, using their “You’re not a cop you don’t understand” line of logic. After demanding an apology which the team declined, Cleveland Police asked all Browns players to stop for a minute to think how they would feel if they shot and killed people under most dubious circumstances and then other people used their First Amendment rights to express outrage over it.

Uber Price-Gouges Riders During Terrorist Attack, but We’re Still Sort of Scared to Criticize Them

At first, when Uber came out everyone was like, “These cars don’t smell like animal waste and stubbed out cigarettes. This company is really cool!” Soon thereafter, people started to realize that beyond their modern-sounding name and too-cool-for-school marketing efforts, rideshare services are actually kind of shitty and that they might actually be damaging the communities in which they operate. The latest example of Uber behaving like a business that no one should support occurred during this week’s hostage crisis in Sydney, Australia. During the standoff, those who desperately sought a way to GTFO the area were treated to “surge pricing” by the company, which means that ride seekers paid $100 and up to get away from the awful events transpiring. This price change represented a four-fold increase in rate. To make it worse, when first called out on their shit, Uber Sydney tweeted: “Fares have increased to encourage more drivers to come online & pick up passengers in the area.” After getting righteously slammed for their dickish behavior, the company backtracked an hour later and began offering free rides. Of course, by the time this offer was extended most people had fled the area one way or another. Later in the week, Uber met with the press to let reporters know that if the half-hearted and too-late offer of refunds wasn’t good enough to appease them, the company would be happy to hire investigative reporters to find out and publish embarrassing things about them.


CONTACT ISAAC THORN: [email protected]


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