Former NYC Mayor Who No One Liked Prior to 9/11 Hearkens Good Old Days of McCarthyism
Not too long ago, the school of thought espoused by those who liked George W. Bush when he was giving speeches that sounded as if Ricky from Trailer Park Boys wrote them was that people who don’t like the president are not American. Now that there has been at least a brief hiatus from the Bush family dynasty, and lousy-ass Obama is in charge of protecting the oligarchy’s interests both here and abroad, things have changed. Recently, while speaking at an event in New York City, blowhard former NYC mayor Rudy Giuliani channeled the spirit of the good old days in America when people who didn’t fall in line with popular opinion were branded as evil communists. In reference to President Obama, Giuliani opined: “I know this is a horrible thing to say, but I do not believe that the president loves America. He doesn’t love you. And he doesn’t love me. He wasn’t brought up the way you were brought up, and I was brought up through love of this country.” Rudy Jewelz went on to explain that if President Obama wants to show everyone that he loves America, the prudent thing to do would be to go on tour after tour to talk about 9/11 and make as much money off of it as possible.
K-9 Pooch Reunited with Owners After Spending Months in the Woods Hiding From Them
The Wilmington Police Department is elated to announce that after two months on the lam its K-9 Karson has been found and reunited with his handlers. Karson’s bid for freedom began back on Dec. 23, when he took off from a boarding kennel presumably to start a new life. The police searched extensively for the Belgian Malinois, and efforts included a Facebook page liked by 24,000 people who did not want to go out in the cold to help find him. Karson’s time on the lam came to an end on Saturday when a police dispatcher phoned the dog’s handler to let him know he saw the pooch running free near I-71. After several hours of not responding to his handler’s commands, the dog was apprehended. The Wilmington Police Department is glad to have its K-9 back but was not willing to discuss the reasons why it ran away in the first place. Likely causes include being named Karson and the animal’s preference to not spend its entire life sniffing for pot that should be legal and biting the shit out of people who the cops aren’t fast enough to catch on foot.
Rand Paul Has Had Enough of Mainstream Media and the Eye in the Pyramid’s Evil Satanic Plans
Not being a politician or some other kind of person who seeks to gain influence in the world has its advantages. Those of us whose opinions matter to very few are able to espouse them without fear that the media and other entities will remind of us how stupid we are after we share them. Rand Paul is starting to get plenty pissed off at the press for continuing to bring up that time he said many parents of children with disabilities naturally consider a connection between the child’s condition and the vaccinations they received. Paul contends that his comment was taken out of context and that he supports efforts intended to keep diseases from the Dark Ages that cover humans in blisters and sores from making comebacks a la tight jeans for men. In an attempt to further clarify his stance on this hot-button issue, Paul opened up about how his statement really was meant to draw attention to the fact that vaccines could be harmful for the tens of thousands of Americans who cover themselves from head to toe in tin foil to keep intrusive government thought waves from entering their bodies, forcing them to be OK with Obama, the Antichrist, the Illuminati and the cabal that shot JFK.
Fox News Wind Bag Bill O’Reilly Issues Well-Reasoned Response to Claims He Is Full of Shit
A recent trend among the talking heads at Fox News is their affinity for making up stories and not telling the truth. After Brian Williams’ “We were surrounded on all sides and I killed four Al Qaedas with my bare hands after they shot at mah helicopter” snafu, we now have another brewing controversy centered on made-up stories by grown people who should know better. This time it’s Bill O’Reilly, who has done important things in his life like costing Ludacris his Pepsi endorsement deal because O’Reilly doesn’t like black people unless they come on his show and agree with his wacko worldview. In response to a New York Times reporter suggesting that O’Reilly’s war-time reporting during the Falklands Islands conflict in 1982 was mostly made up to make it seem like he was on the front lines and ducking bullets like a G, O’Reilly calmly responded with a Tweet reading, “I am coming after you with everything I have” and “you can take it as a threat.” Later on, O’Reilly softened his stance and invited the reporters who called him out to appear on his show so he can yell a lot and cut them off whenever they speak.
Texas School Officials Use Marker on Black Student’s Head to Make Sure He Isn’t a Violent Gang Banger
American schools suck performance-wise, but at least they have solutions in place for times when black kids show up with hairdos that expose too much scalp. A Plainview, Texas mother is not so happy after learning that an assistant principal used a marker to fill in the line shaved on the side of her son’s head, wondering why after five months of having that hairdo school officials finally sprang into action to address this safety issue. School administrators deemed the haircut a distraction and noted that it could be considered gang-related. In order to avoid further clashes between students and teachers, the Texas Board of Education has asked parents to consider whiter Texan hairstyles for their children, including the mullet or the clean-shaven Texas Aryan Brotherhood look.
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