Worst Week Ever!: Jan. 21-27

Many white people in America don’t have a problem with the heavy-handed and unjust way in which deep-seated racism tends to affect the way black people’s interactions with law enforcement transpire.

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This doesn't look good...

Norwood Mayor Wishes the Blacks Would Stop Getting Upset About How Police Mistreat Them

Many white people in America don’t have a problem with the heavy-handed and unjust way in which deep-seated racism tends to affect the way black people’s interactions with law enforcement transpire. Even though prejudice occasionally results in black people being beaten, choked or shot for things that, if the person in question was white, a cop would be all like, “Hey Terry, we got a call on suspicious activity in this Walmart but let’s talk about it before I kill your ass for holding a toy gun that’s sold on shelves here,” it’s a complicated issue to say the least. Liberals like the ones who write for CityBeat largely think that police respond to certain situations differently if the person they contact is thought to be a lousy criminal by merit of their skin color or appearance, but what do we know? The answer is probably “not much” after hearing what Norwood Mayor Thomas Williams had to say in a letter to the city’s police department last week. Apparently the problem isn’t cops with itchy trigger fingers backed by a system of protection that has their backs no matter how egregious their misconduct is. The true culprit is what the mayor called “race-baiting black leaders and elected officials.” Police Chief William Kramer was upset by the flood of Facebook comments taking issue with the mayor’s sentiment, some of which referenced the long-held notion that Norwood isn’t exactly a bastion of racial equality. “There were also many comments about Norwood’s history,” Kramer wrote in a response. “That seems to be (a) ghost that no matter how hard we try, we cannot get past.” Chief Kramer and Mayor Williams plan to invite noted mediums from ghost-hunting TV programs to come visit and explain that blaming black people for being pissed off because they are often treated harshly with fatal consequences because of the color of their skin is probably not the most effective way of getting ghosts who think Norwood is run by racists to move on and go bump in the night somewhere else.

Mayor Cranley Enters Year 2 Feeling Smart, Rich, Accomplished

These days it is tres chic to bash Mayor John Cranley for opposing the streetcar we voted for and doing things like trying to intimidate restaurant owners for humorously naming hot dogs after him. Unfortunately, voting wasn’t all the rage when our city held its last mayoral election, which is the reason he is now in charge of it. One year into his four-year term, Cranley was the subject of an Enquirer editorial that came off as if it were written by a second grader explaining why his or her dad is the best dad in the entire world. With gems like, “He didn’t go to Harvard for nothing — as he showed with his pension and budget solutions, the man is smart,” it is obvious that Cincinnatians should ignore the fact that Cranley acts as if his constituents are stupid and incapable of identifying things that are good for our community and embrace him because he is wealthy, smart and went to an Ivy League school. In addition to improving road quality and working to include minorities more, Cranley plans on talking less shit about the yuppies who support the streetcar and asking for a “do over” on the photo op which resulted in the picture of him sitting on a red bike looking like he is from a distant star galaxy and had never touched a bicycle before.

‘SkyMall’ Catalog Goes Extinct; Flying Sucks Even More Now

Flying is expensive, and even when oil prices go down the fares don’t dip a penny. While at the airport you can probably catch food poisoning or spend some time thinking about how the Transportation Security Administration is responsible for thousands of criminal offenses committed by their thieving-ass employees and how they have never thwarted a terrorist attack in all their years of tax-money-burning operation. (Think of that the next time you’re going through one of those scanners and they’re staring at your butt with futuristic technology.) The flight experience has grown a bit more dismal with the announcement that the SkyMall in-flight catalog will no longer be published and stuffed next to the puke bags in the seatback in front of you. This announcement comes as a major blow to economists who were said to be “this close” to figuring out what kind of immoral job you need to do to be able to afford $1,000 serenity cat pods and $2,250 garden yeti statues.

Supreme Court Promises to Fine-Tune Barbaric State-Sponsored Murder Protocols

America. The land of the free, the home of the brave and those who get executed as a result of not being able to afford anything other than a public pretender attorney. Fortunately for those on death row in Oklahoma, the Supreme Court has decided to review the state’s method of lethal injection to see if the three-drug process currently in place kills quickly enough or not. After a botched execution in April that featured the victim writhing around on the gurney long after he was supposed to be dead, many are concerned that the barbaric procedure isn’t being carried out as smoothly as it could be and may even violate something or other that the Constitution says about cruel and unusual punishment. It is hoped that streamlining the execution process will play a crucial role in reducing the frequency of events which make the public question whether people in this country get killed for what they actually do versus the roles that socioeconomic and racial factors play in our infallible justice system.

Worst Snow Storm in History Devastates East Coast Forever, Damages in Trillions

Well, OK. None of that is true. The latest event that the media has blown way out of proportion in an effort to scare people and distract them from unsavory things going on in the world (a snowstorm in January in the Northeast! Oh the humanity!) has come and gone without life ceasing to exist as we know it. Despite this, the Weather Channel has decided to start naming storms of all kinds as if they were hurricanes because it’s fun and names make it easier to write about things.

CONTACT ISAAC THORN: [email protected]

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