Worst Week Ever! May 20-26

Politics are a stupid sham because the people you get to choose from live lives nothing like yours, care little about how yours is going and spend all their time on the clock pandering and entertaining the rich so they can afford to run in future electio

click to enlarge "The rent is too damn high."
"The rent is too damn high."

Clintons Made $30M in Past Year, Swear They Are in Touch with Needs of Average Americans

Politics are a stupid sham because the people you get to choose from live lives nothing like yours, care little about how yours is going and spend all their time on the clock pandering and entertaining the rich so they can afford to run in future elections. Politicians don’t have to care about the needs and wants of Average Joes, and poor people don’t have to worry about politics mattering to them. It’s a great country we live in. Hillary and Bill Clinton would most likely agree with this sentiment, since a recent financial disclosure revealed that the power couple raked in more than $30 million since January 2014. Hillary’s memoir also generated an additional $5 million for them. The Clintons are so revered by other mega-rich Americans that Bill was paid $175,000 to deliver a speech in Miami via satellite. With all this money rolling in, Bill still found a way to be dismissive of it, saying that their massive income has “got to pay our bills” in order to fund Hillary’s “Team Clinton Part Three” quest to become president in 2016. In addition to paying said bills, the Clintons also plan to use some of their mountain of cash to pay the very best campaign people to keep them well-informed about Chipotle and other things they should be aware of that poor people like.

California Congresswoman Mocks Native Americans, Then Compliments Them So It’s Cool

Republicans aren’t the only political party in America run by racist shills for the rich with no character or decency, contrary to the seeming disparity between how often they get caught saying indefensible things about women, immigrants and other demographic cross sections. Just this week, Democratic Congresswoman Loretta Sanchez of California took time to remind the public of this while making remarks to a group of Indian Americans (individuals with links to the country of India). Cellphone footage captured during Sanchez’s appearance show her taking the expressway to Inappropriate Town, referring to a meeting with an Indian American by saying “I am going to his office, thinking that I am going to meet with a...” before putting her hand over her mouth and imitating a Native American war cry. When first confronted by Sacramento NBC affiliate KCRA about this and other inappropriate remarks she made during the meeting, Sanchez ran into a nearby building to avoid the reporter. Later, Sanchez was dismissive of her actions and opted instead to say that she thinks “Native Americans have an incredibly great history and a great presence in our country, and many of them are supporting our election.” When pressed further about Native Americans who do not support her or the upcoming U.S. Senate race, the congresswoman attributed their lack of interest to some far-ago chain of events that took place that she can’t remember all that well.

Treasure Trove from Cincinnati Museum Center’s Basement to Go on Display

Cincinnatians will soon be able to see all kinds of rare and historical shit that has been kept away from public view and stored in the Cincinnati Museum Center’s basement. According to Beth Gerber, the museum’s preservation manager, there are nearly 75,000 old manuscripts stored there. Included among the manuscripts is a rare and valuable copy of the Declaration of Independence, which dates to 1776. Many items from Cincinnati’s past will be curated and put into the Treasures of Our Military Past exhibit. From pre-1900 Reds tickets to architectural renderings depicting the very first structures built here, this exhibit will have something for everybody. In addition to these documents, visitors will also be able to see a Colonial woodcut illustration depicting the first political gathering in Cincinnati in which politicians debated the streetcar.

Republicans Debate How to Best Spin Recent Pointless Wars to Win Upcoming Elections

For a while in America, if you didn’t support the wars we started fighting shortly after 9/11, there was no way to easily say so without getting hated on and told that you weren’t supporting your country or its security. Many years and lives lost later, holding the view that American military efforts were ill-advised is a more commonly held sentiment. With the presidential election looming next year, Republican candidates for nomination are doing their best to solidify and share their views on the Iraq invasion and learn which one is best aligned with voters’ views on the subject. Florida Sen. Marco Rubio somehow still thinks it was a good idea because we started that war based on intelligence findings … even though said findings were inaccurate and basically made up to provide justification to launch the war. On the flip side, Kentucky Sen. Rand Paul has decried the overthrow of Iraqi leader Saddam Hussein and pointed to the rise of radical Islam in the area in recent years as a prime reason that the American invasion wasn’t a good idea. Jeb Bush doesn’t really have a consistent stance on this issue but did note that no matter what you think about the war, it did make a lot of people who will fund a lot of political campaigns “a fuckton of money.”

Santa Ono, Clifton Leaders Don’t Think I-74/75 Hopple Street Ramps Look Scary Enough

University of Cincinnati President Santa Ono and other influential Clifton businesspeople have thrown their support behind a plan to build a bridge connector to better connect Cincinnati State to South Cumminsville near the I-74/I-75 interchange. In a letter to Mayor John Cranley and Cincinnati City Council, the group asked them to come up with $42 million to fund the project and to also get the whole thing done on time despite this massive addition. Ono and the group of Clifton business leaders would also like Mayor Cranley to purchase more sledgehammers and demo equipment so every building in the neighborhood built before 1990 can be razed and turned into another sandwich shop.


CONTACT ISAAC THORN: [email protected]


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