Worst Week Ever!: Sept. 17-23

America is the land of opportunity. It’s even the land where you can blame others when your opportunity comes and goes without success.

click to enlarge Why, God? Why?!?
Why, God? Why?!?

Liz Rogers Backs off Threat to Sue City, City LOLs

America is the land of opportunity. It’s even the land where you can blame others when your opportunity comes and goes without success. That’s what’s been happening in the turbulent relationship between the city of Cincinnati and Mahogany’s restaurant owner Liz Rogers as of late. Rogers received a $300,000 loan from the city and the chance to open her establishment in the popular Banks development where many other establishments are raking it in hand over fist from drunken sportsball fans and concert goers. But things didn’t work out and Mahogany’s closed, which led to Rogers and her attorney Robert Croskery coming up with the bright idea to sue the city if it doesn’t say, “OK, cool don’t worry about that $300K we floated you, it’s NBD.” After the city declined, Croskery sent a letter to the city stating that his client no longer wishes to sue the city because it would be a dividing force in the community. They are said to be mulling other options, including seeing how much of the $300,000 the city of Cincinnati will let slide if Rogers admits that her restaurant sucked and was surrounded by successful ones and that threatening to burden the taxpayers who made her failed business dream possible with a completely baseless lawsuit was not nice.

NYPD Cops Learning Twitter, Will Work on Other Stuff Later

It’s been a quite a while since the New York Police Department was caught up in a bad situation like an officer choking to death a man selling individual untaxed cigarettes as he screamed “I can’t breathe” over and over. Now it’s time for the Big Apple’s police force to sharpen up its Twitter game after the department’s #myNYPD hashtag was overrun by people posting images of alleged police misconduct. While some might think additional training on how to avoid turning trifling, minor offenses into life-ending physical confrontations, those with opinions that matter have decided to use this time to enroll commanding officers at John Jay College of Criminal Justice in Midtown Manhattan in six-hour classes and lectures from the department’s social media team. But the NYPD is not limiting their officers’ social media training to hashtags and retweets. In fact, officers will soon begin a two-session course on the proper usage of emojis and how Aziz Ansari is right about the guy in the turban emoji being “kind of racist” so they shouldn’t use it.

Drop Inn Center Moves, Should Be Fine There for a While

The way many of Cincinnati’s homeless population receives aid is about to change drastically. Instead of the homeless going over to The Drop Inn Center in Over-the-Rhine, near the public spaces where many of them live and sleep, the Center will soon be split into separate men’s and women’s facilities, one in Queensgate and one in Mount Auburn. The new strategy for the city’s most prominent homelessness resource — separating the homeless by gender — is meant to encourage more people to come into an environment in which they will feel safe. Although homeless people will soon be going their separate ways, literally if they are of the opposite gender, The Drop Inn Center says it is excited about its new facilities and looking forward to serving our region’s homeless population from the new locations for a long time. Cincinnati City Council members have agreed so long as these new neighborhoods in the future do not require the development of pet treat stores, condos and places with signature cocktails, at which point the homeless will be put onto a barge and sent down the river to somewhere else less in the way.

Why Must We Discuss Parking Meters so Regularly?

Do other cities have so many issues, problems and news stories about parking meters? Aren’t they pretty straightforward? You just put money in and it goes to fund some place that does something for the greater good and that’s that, right? This WWE! correspondent has neither the time nor the pay rate to do research on the matter, but what is obvious is that Cincinnati is always talking about our stupid parking meters like they are some sort of untamable spirit animal or something. The Enquirer reports that our fair city is close to a deal with Xerox that would permit the city to retain control of the program unlike that stupid earlier plan which ceded control to a private, for-profit company. The new deal isn’t as bad even though increased enforcement and the “dynamic pricing” rip-off pricing structure is part of the deal. Some benefits of the proposed arrangement with Xerox include the installation of 1,500 meters that can be paid by credit card or the use of a new-fangled smartphone app. The city will pay Xerox $592,000 per year for meter maintenance, but it is expected that it will make twice that in revenue once the system is up and running. Xerox has also offered to develop technology that might one day help downtown Cincinnati update all those parking meters that have like four or five contradictory signs posted atop them that make no goddamn sense.

Occupy Wall Street Founding Members in Legal Battle over Twitter Handle

As much as many of us wanted to hope and believe that Occupy Wall Street wasn’t a movement made up of spoiled rich kids with $3,000 bikes and no job experience, it looks like it’s time to be like, “OK, we were wrong and should have known it once we saw the Guy Fawkes masks.” Founding members of the movement or whatever you want to call it are suing each other over their most popular Twitter handle, @OccupyWallStNYC. According to The New York Times, some Occupy members are “accusing a former comrade of taking unilateral control of the shared account and locking out the organizers he had once collaborated with.” A New York State Supreme Court is expected to rule on the matter next week. Legal pundits expect the judge to suggest the plaintiffs either come up with a new Twitter handle that uses a zero instead of an “o” or just get over it because no one pays attention to them anymore so it isn’t that big of a deal.


CONTACT ISAAC THORN: [email protected]


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