Last week Sen. Jon Kyl (R-Ariz.) said at a Senate meeting that providing abortions is “well over 90 percent of what Planned Parenthood does.” Now, without thinking about that for too long because your eyes would glaze over and you’d stroke out, you know that there’s no way that those figures are correct. And they’re not. In fact, the number is more like 3 percent. Kyl’s goons have since released a statement that reads: “his remark was not intended to be a factual statement.”—-
President Obama yesterday delivered his speech, “The Country We Believe In: Improving America’s Fiscal Future,” which lays out his plan to reduce the national deficit by $4 trillion over the next 12 years. You can watch it here.
The House yesterday set into motion a bill that would repeal the national health care law’s Prevention and Public Health Fund, an account that provides $15 billion over the next decade to state- and community-based preventive health care services. Republicans say the account is a slush fund while Democrats argue that the Prevention and Public Health Fund is key to the health care law’s goal of imposing socialism on our young people promoting preventive care in local communities.
The bill is not expected to progress much further as President Obama yesterday said he would veto the bill because it “neither advances the key objectives of the Affordable Care Act of better and more affordable care nor offers alternative solutions for meeting these important objectives.”
Republicans in Arizona are hard at work trying to rid America of tyrannical Kenyanstyrannical Kenyans. Legislation was passed yesterday that requires presidential candidates to prove that they are natural-born American citizens before their names can appear on the Arizona ballot. They’re calling it, “The Trump Bill.” President Obama has not commented on the bill since June 2008 when he released a certificate of live birth and then became president.
Kobe Bryant has come out and apologized to gay people everywhere for calling a referee during Tuesday’s game against the Spurs a “f******g f*****.” (Video here.) Kobe was fined $100,000 for the slur and gay rights groups are branding him a “disgrace.” Keep your head up, Kobe. You can make it through anything after going through that annoying sexual assault trial in 2003 for something that was apparently only a run-of-the-mill adulterous sexual encounter.
Reports suggest that Charlie Sheen is willing to forget about that $100 million he believes Chuck Lorre owes him and come back to Two and a Half Men. Sheen says that “there’s been discussion” about returning to the show and it has nothing to do with his solo performance being a flop.
Today’s reports say that the white iPhone could be out in as little as a few weeks. Yeah, a white iPhone.
This article appears in Apr 13-19, 2011.
