There’s just no pleasing everyone, and that couldn’t be more apparent when you look at online reviews — even those of beloved Cincinnati institutions.
Everyone’s got an opinion, but, frankly, many of them stink. How else do you explain the various Karens and Kyles of Yelp and Google complaining about the beauty of Eden Park (yes, we know, people smoke weed there — the audacity) or saying the Cincinnati Museum Center isn’t nearly as fun as Dave & Buster’s?
From those who went to the wrong tourist attraction and were disappointed or visited a giant international market and couldn’t find anything international (sorry, what?) to Negative Nellies bemoaning liberals at art institutions and even a few conspiracy nuts gnashing their teeth at an archaeological wonder, the complaints are numerous and even occasionally innovative in their stupidity.
Keep scrolling for some of the goofiest one- and two-star reviews we found on Yelp and Google.
Union Terminal/Cincinnati Museum Center
Ashley, 1 Star: “Absolute let down. We are from out of town and took a weekend trip to Cincinnati to do some fun family stuff. This was a total waste of money for us. We have children, 3-13 and none of them enjoyed any part of this museum. Very boring. … We didn’t even stay for an hour here. We went to Dave and [Busters] instead and had some real fun!”
Jungle Jim’s (Fairfield)
Calum, 1 Star: “Me and my family went here expecting items from around the world and were mad when we did not find any.”
Music Hall
George, 1 Star: “So I just called and spoke with [redacted] is the name she gave, apparently she thinks like the rest of the Democraps in this City. Rude, condescending like she and her Govt employees are above “WE THE PEOPLE” wrong. Your (sic) under Investigation as a Tyrannical Arm of the City of Cincinnati.”
Smale Riverfront Park
Malachi, 2 Stars: “Started out great for the first couple of years.. Then it gradually transitioned into a hub for liter (sic) and the people who liter (sic), as well as the negative, violent, element of our city. Until lawlessness is curbed I keep my child and self distant as much as possible from it unfortunately.”
John A. Roebling Suspension Bridge
T, 1 Star: “I don’t want to go to Kentucky”
Krohn Conservatory
Unicorn Transport, 1 Star: “All of these plants are in my back yard in Miami”
Washington Park
Jessica, 2 Star: “Not really a cool enough park to make it worth finding/paying for parking, and dealing with all the hipsters and their dogs and children.”
Findlay Market
HT, 1 Star: “Went to the vegan place and got completely turned off by the amount of blood and dead animals everywhere.”
Great American Ball Park
Courtney, 1 Star: “Launched fireworks during Champagne Problems at the Eras Tour. How disrespectful”
Fountain Square
Patrick, 1 Star: “My wife’s cell phone was stolen here in plain sight by a young person. Police looked at me like I was crazy when I asked them what they could do about it. Cincinnati is going downhill fast.”
Cincinnati Art Museum
Cincy.A.L.W., 1 Star: “I guess they are done with figurative. If it’s not politically motivated, they don’t do it anymore. If you like the old masters, you might want to find somewhere else. Used to be good back in the day before [ArtsWave] took over and now pulling all the strings. Yeah, go somewhere else if you like actual art for art. I predict them having an attendance crisis in less than 12 years due to abandoning all it’s (sic) original members and visitors and jumping on the lefty bandwagon.”
Serpent Mound
Clayton, 1 Star: “This place practices censorship and doesn’t want to acknowledge possibilities of the unknown and are afraid to find out the truth. Yet another tyrant company trying to hide things and censor people! No wonder no one knows about this place nor cares.”
More context: Why Archaeologists Are Fuming Over Netflix’s Ancient Apocalypse Series
Elsinore Arch
Jose, 1 Star: “We were looking for the [Loveland] Castle and we ended up here lol. Nothing to see except a piece of a castle standing in the front lol. The stairs behind it were really cool for photos though.”
Loveland Castle
Madison, 1 Star: “Thought it was a real castle but it’s just a house a man built.”
William Henry Harrison Memorial
Stephan, 1 Star: “A hideous and brutal tower for a president who served only a month. Undeserving of such an accolade despite its dull-suited design.”
Eden Park
Therez Only1, 2 Stars: “NOTHING SPECIAL. A place to walk around and sit on a bench. There’s not much to see but open grass, overgrown shrubs, and trees. You gotta watch out for all geese poop on pavement.”
Robin, 2 Stars: “Nice view but could do without the people smoking weed next to my car!”
Cincinnati Zoo & Botanical Garden
Dian, 1 Star: “It was 15 of us. The animals were literally all asleep. We never got to see the new hippo. Our grandkids didn’t understand why it wasn’t any fun. The food of course was extremely expensive. The souvenirs were expensive. I will not recommend this zoo to anyone.”
Cathedral Basilica of the Assumption
Keith, 1 Star: “Went to midnight mass and ZERO security outside. [A person on drugs] goes nuts on me and my family and it took another stranger on the street to pepper spray him while the rest of the parishioners escape to the side of the building. We find out ALL security was inside the whole time. NOT ONE WORD OF CONCERN from the church faculty. I got out of there before mass started. This is a sign to not return to the Catholic faith. Done.”
Paycor Stadium
Red, 1 Star: “It was literally on fire when I got there. I paid 6.50 for the worst hot dog I have ever had, and the cost of seats are way too much.”
