Ohio to Get Brand New $2 Billion 'Planet Oasis' Theme Park

In the words of Stefon, this park has everything...

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click to enlarge A map of the 350-acre Planet Oasis campus - Photo: YouTube
Photo: YouTube
A map of the 350-acre Planet Oasis campus

If you don't like the word "experiential," stop reading now. Planet Oasis — a $2 billion, 350-acre theme park off I-71 in Delaware County, Ohio (near Columbus and a Tanger Outlet mall) — just released plans for its "entertainment venue of the future," slated to open a first phase in 2019.

"Planet Oasis is located in Ohio because it's the center of the universe," said David Glimcher, the park's "principal/visionary/president," in a recent video press release.

Aimed at all ages — from 3 to 83 — this park will almost literally have everything by combining attractions with "experiential food and beverage experiences," action sports and a health and wellness facility. According to Delaware Ohio News, the campus will even have eight individual Subway sandwich restaurants. 

“It’s all about excitement. It’s about experiential bars, experiential restaurants, experiential entertainment," Glimcher said. "It ain’t gonna be same old same old." 

click to enlarge Any of these "experiential" white people could be you! - Photo: YouTube
Photo: YouTube
Any of these "experiential" white people could be you!

This mini Dubai in the middle of Ohio will be built by the visionary and his team of experts. Here's a list of other things you'll find at Planet Oasis:

  • "Roller Coaster Experience"
  • Indoor skydiving
  • A skate park
  • Indoor surf park
  • A BMX Bike park
  • World-class snowboarding events
  • An indoor sports arena with soccer, basketball, lacrosse and field hockey
  • An alternative health and wellness center with services like acupuncturists, chiropractors, a compounding pharmacy, energy doctors, polarity therapy and yoga
  • The Lake Mirage entertainment district, located on a 20-acre man-made salt-water lake with sand beaches, hotels, paddleboats and gondolas, where every night is about "the sizzle, the steak, the dancing" 
  • Medieval Times
  • Artificial Intelligence (???)
  • An ESports team and 30,000-square-foot gaming arena
  • A butterfly museum
  • An indoor electric go-kart facility designed by Indy 500 drivers
  • A "sky wheel" Ferris wheel that's 25-stories high
  • Unique specialty retail
  • Hotels for all price points 
click to enlarge A still from the video depicting.... not Universal Studios? - Photo: YouTube
Photo: YouTube
A still from the video depicting.... not Universal Studios?

"This is about now. This is about warped speed. This is about it happening today," Glimcher said.

Find more info, including the park's really crappy MS Paint late-'90s logo, head here.

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