I Just Can't Get Enough

Jac's roundup of pop culture news and Internet findings

I spent a hefty number of hours watching Trapped in the Closet this past holiday weekend, thanks to IFC’s marathon of the R. Kelly Hip Hopera followed by a debut of a new chunk of chapters. Despite my avid enthusiasm for T in the C as a teen, I must have lost track of the final few chapters because I totally forgot that by the end of the first two installments, a majority of the characters (hilarious flowchart here) have likely been exposed to AIDS.

                                                                               Deleted Scene

R. Kelly released 18 new chapters last Friday and, in true T in the C style, few questions were answered and even more now stand. The quick and dirty: Rosie and Randolph are Pimp Lucius’ parents! R. Kelly played two new characters: a therapist (who counseled Rufus and Cathy) and a scary gangster with a fang-like grill named Beeno (for real). Between scenes, the camera would cut away to interviews with various characters on a talk show (likely setting for the next installment). There was also a point where Rev. Mosley was shown on a commercial hawking books — they showed a real, Chicago phone number that connected to a hilarious recording. Still, no one knows where the hell Chuck is and we never got any real answers about “the package” they might all have but don't worry — Kelly has penned a reported 85 additional chapters, some to be released next year, and look out, Broadway: Trapped is coming to the stage!

                                                                                                      "Oh shit!"

Speaking of marathons of the non-active persuasion, it just wouldn’t be a long weekend without a good Law and Order marathon — often with a relevant theme! This summer, I’m pretty sure I saw a Labor Day SVU marathon of episodes featuring women about to give birth. Ever wondered how all those final court rulings stack up? Overthinking It (via Buzzfeed) looked into every verdict of the original series’ 450 court cases over 20 seasons. Check ‘em out!

Because EVERYTHING NEEDS A PREQUEL/SEQUEL/REBOOT NOW, Sam Raimi (Evil Dead, Spider-Man 1-3) is bringing a fresh take on the classic story of The Wizard of Oz this March. James Franco stars as Oscar Diggs, a Kansas magician who is whisked away to a magical land where goes onto become the eponymous wiz. Oz: The Great and Powerful certainly will be a visual playground for audiences and the storyline — which precedes both the original book and film — actually seems interesting. Plus, a trio of top-notch actresses (Mila Kunis, Rachel Weisz and Michelle Williams) portraying young versions of those infamous witches? I'm in. Watch the trailer:

So, if you were worried there wouldn’t be a good opportunity to drop LSD at a movie this spring, fear not.

RuPaul’s Drag Race returns for a fifth season this January and for those missing out on the fabulosity, it’s basically Logo’s version of American Idol or America’s Next Top Model, but with way more prosthetic boobs and junk tucking. Hosted by the baddest queen of all, RuPaul’s Drag Race pits drag queens against each other in various challenges to be judged on makeup and hair, costume design, on-camera performances, musical acts, comedy and much more. The show is campy, hilarious and, for a show about men dressed up as over-the-top women, surprisingly real.

If you need any more reason to tune into the premiere, local entertainer Penny Tration (real name: Tony Cody) has been cast as a contestant! Penny was voted onto the show as this season’s Facebook fan favorite, which is pretty major. See the Cincy star at 0:51 in this trailer:

Penny Tration performs Saturdays at The Cabaret (above Below Zero Lounge) in addition to several other regular appearances. Check out a show while you can — Penny’s ‘bout to be mad famous.

It is said that as one star rises, another falls. And after the debut of Lindsay Lohan’s anticipated role in Liz and Dick, it looks like that train wreck’s career has suffered a fatal blow.

                                                                                                    “Did somebody say blow?”

What was — shockingly — supposed to be a serious tribute to Elizabeth Taylor and her relationship with Richard Burton turned out to be a Lifetime channel disaster. Then again, what else was anyone expecting from the network that brought us My Stepson, My Lover and She Woke Up Pregnant? Surely, few had high hopes for Lindsay and everyone else associated with this mess — Liz Taylor’s shoes are tough to fill, so it was kind of unfair to put a young and arguably unstable actress in that position. But all poor writing, directing and casting aside, Lindsay does need to take some of the blame on this one. If Cooter from True Blood was able to mask his New Zealand accent with a mediocre Burton impression, couldn’t Lindsay have at least tried to out-act her smoker’s voice? And I’m sorry, but no 26-year-old should be able to play a woman in her 50s more convincingly that a girl her own age. Somebody, please, fix that face.

If you'd rather read entertaining reactions than actually sit through this piece of crap, Huffington Post collected a bunch of Liz and Dick tweets you can read here.

Lindsay, I actually am rooting for you, so here’s my advice: Why don’t you go back to your Mean Girls ginge look, take a couple years off, get your Eat Pray Love on in India or whatever and come back to us once you’ve “found yourself” or Disney decides to cast you as Aunt Vicki in their Parent Trap remake. Whichever comes first.

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