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The old saying goes: Those who can, do; those who can’t, teach. It makes you wonder about the background of those who write sex books. Maybe those who can, do, and those who can do it really well rewrite the Kama Sutra.
Love and sex books proliferate around Valentine’s Day, and not just the kind that come wrapped in plastic and can be sold only on the outskirts of town. In fact, your major neighborhood bookstores have a wide array of books geared to spicing up your sex life.
Here are some of the best new and hot titles guaranteed to melt any frost come Valentine’s Day.
Tarot Sutra: An Intimate Guide to Exploring Sex Through the Tarot by Patricia Canova, MSC ($30) is a modern twist on the classic Kama Sutra text. The kit comes with a traditional deck of tarot cards and an instruction book that explains how to read and use the cards. The book also contains a list of edible aphrodisiacs, music to make love by, colors, oils and role playing sexual games for you and your partner. Example: The Fool card suggests your edible is Hershey’s kisses, you should make love to Ravel’s Bolero, your sensual color is rose quartz and your oil is sandalwood.
Suggested sex game is tickle each other during foreplay, make love in a hammock or talk baby talk to each other.
The book-and-tarot-card concept makes sex seem like a lot of work, but there are good ideas once you get the hang of how to use the goods, if you aren’t already in the know about the tarot.
Geisha Secrets: A Pillow Book for Lovers (Caroll & Graf Publishers, $20) is the most visually appealing, with its artistic rendition of a geisha on a silky black background, but the contents might leave you wanting. The book consists of illustrated colorful drawings of Asian men and women in exaggerated contortionist sex poses that no normally endowed man or woman could hope to duplicate.
Geisha literally means “artist,” but the term has evolved from the original role of a maidservant to a courtesan skilled in the bedroom. The history of the geisha is quite compelling, but it’s unlikely you’ll gain much sexual know-how here.
Exclusively for the ladies is How to Turn Your Boyfriend Into a Love Slave and Other Spells to Inspire Passion Romance and Seduction by Deborah Gray ($12). The author has studied white witchcraft and alchemy for more than 20 years.
Whether you’re a true Wiccan practitioner or merely a novice hoping to get in your man’s pants, this is a fun book. All of the spells are simple and require common household items. The spell you cast right before Valentine’s Day to make your true love fall in love with you requires just three pieces of recycled paper, a green pencil and a snip of your own hair. That’s a lot easier and cheaper to come by than getting him all liquored up to get him in your bed.
The book also lists edible aphrodisiacs. You’ve heard of oysters and truffles making you horny, but did you know that the Italian dessert tiramisu is also on the list? Olive Garden, here I come. There are also easy-to-concoct love potions. I tried making the Tropical Delight, which didn’t make me horny but sure cured my PMS.
Whether you’re a believer in spells or not, this is a fun book. The book says, “The art of seduction has always been synonymous with the art of magick and enchantment.” Except for $12 and a few household knick-knacks, what do you have to lose?
Pandora’s Boxby Suzie Hayman ($24.95) is sure to be a hot item this season. A sealed velvet black box adorned with a red devil in angel’s wings is the only clue to the contents. Inside you’ll find a red feather, a booklet of sexual adventures, a blindfold/bondage strap, love dice (one red die with “nipples,” “breasts,” “lips,” “thighs,” “penis” and “neck” written on it; the black die has “lick,” “press,” “kiss,” “stroke,” “suck” “nibble”) and 12 cards with a sexual visual aid on one side and a game on the other. The games might require props like oil or a towel. There are points awarded to earn your sex slave certificate for your enthusiastic participation.
Although Pandora’s Box seems to be designed for two, there are enough games included to make this party fun for the whole gang. This is a great value for the money. It makes sex more fun than, well, sex. A nice alternative to playing Trivial Pursuit.
The best bang for the buck this Valentine’s season is Great Sex Games by Anne Hooper ($14.95). This pocket-size plethora of sexual info has everything you need for sexual fun well into the years when your equipment dries up and falls off. The table of contents has chapters including “Playing With Props,” “Getting Wet” and “X-Rated Games.” Full-color photos and simple instructions are designed to make your sexual adventures easy and fun. My favorite tip involves a form of oral sex called “twanging the guitar.” It involves his frenulum, a new word I just learned and am eager to investigate further.
If this book doesn’t get your juices flowing, better have somebody call an ambulance, because you’re dead. If nothing else, be sure to read her “Unspun Cinderella,” a bedtime story for lovers near the end of the book — if you couples can keep your hands off each other long enough to get that far.
There are many more books out there designed to bring the spark back into your relationship or turn the heat up even higher in an already hot romance, but these are the cream of the crop for 2001.
And don’t feel that buying a book means you don’t have enough imagination of your own to get the juices flowing. Even the best chefs go searching for a new ingredient now and then. ©
This article appears in Feb 7-13, 2001.