WEDNESDAY, JULY 05
After the world’s longest Fourth of July weekend ever, most of us returned hungover and hot dogged-out to business as usual Wednesday, but some were wrapped up in a series of tweets from NPR. For 29 years, the public radio network has aired a reading of the Declaration of Independence on July Fourth, and this year they continued the tradition on Twitter, breaking up the historical statement into necessary 140-character segments. A number of conservatives and Trump supporters seized what they thought was an opportunity to bash NPR for somehow disrespecting the president or employing liberal bias, only to discover the tweets merely reflected one of the county’s founding documents. Most of the facepalm-worthy Tweets have been deleted, but big ups to @JustEsrafel, the dude who originally accused NPR of “calling for a revolution,” only to check himself and apologize for his ill-informed response. #EverydayHeroes
THURSDAY, JULY 06
Thanks to Wired for pointing out that Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker’s social media is a depressing display of Caucasian crimes against nature. Be sure to follow @scottwalker for poorly cropped and way-too-close-up snaps of his daily brown-bag lunch (Spoiler Alert: It’s always two ham and cheese sandwiches and a cranberry juice cocktail every damn day), his love of milk, non-seasoned food and, now, beer. Walker posted a pic of a Miller Lite can this week with the caption you know he thought was just so witty: “For those in the liberal media who don’t like my Instagram, Facebook or Twitter, I have a simple response: Can I get you a beer?” Predictably, commenters ran Walker through the gauntlet. The best response was a close-up image of the can, which reads “union made.” Burn!
FRIDAY, JULY 07
In promotion of 2 Chainz’s new album, Pretty Girls Like Trap Music, the rapper last month held a listening party at an actual pink-painted home in his native Atlanta. The Pepto Bismol palace — known as the Pink Trap House — remained a local landmark in the following weeks, hosting a church service, salon pop-up and even free HIV testing. But mostly it was a ’grammable photo shoot destination for (mostly white) people who probably don’t know what a trap house even is. The hotspot came to a close this weekend when 2 Chainz’s lease ended and the owner painted the pink house while in anticipation of new tenants. Luckily for those hoping to get social media street cred without actually having to live in a blighted neighborhood, Free Tours By Foot is still offering the so-called “ghetto tours” of graffiti in Brooklyn, N.Y., and even graffiti workshops!
SATURDAY, JULY 08
Saturday’s Taco Festival at Yeatman’s Cove was sure to be a fun summer fiesta: There would be tacos and margs, Mario Lopez and a Chihuahua beauty pageant — what could go wrong? According to attendees, the event should have been called Taco Fiasco, with some likening the national touring trainwreck to the disastrous Fyre Festival. The ticketed event charged a cover just to attend, on top of food and drink prices, and once folks were inside they had to purchase taco tokens, which means standing in two lines before even getting a bite to eat. The food lines were so long, A.C. Slater himself reportedly hawked tacos, and some claimed they waited in various lines for up to 45 minutes only to discover the food had sold out. Since it’s 2017, these disgruntled attendees took to Facebook to voice their opinions where, overnight, negative reviews were promptly deleted (the page administrator claimed only “profane and insulting” posts were removed). Meanwhile, sponsor The Cincinnati Enquirer dubbed the taco fest a success with nary a mention of the abundant problems.
SUNDAY, JULY 09
Recreational weed sales began in Nevada last week, and one couple celebrated by getting hitched in a dispensary grow facility. Kinda like a botanical garden for stoners! The groom is a doctor and cannabis activist whose father was once jailed for marijuana charges, so it was important for him to support the cause. And no, they did not blaze before walking down the aisle (BOO!). While it was an alternative wedding, the couple maintained some of your typical wedding traditions: something old, something new; something borrowed, something blueberry kush.
MONDAY, JULY 10
Special shout out to Special K for busting the myth that women don’t actually need to consume nutrients to live and shaking the stigma of eating food for females everywhere. The cereal’s latest ads feature takeaways like, “Yeah, we eat chocolate,” as if it’s some defiant, feminist act and not just a very normal thing. Hear that, ladies? You’re finally free to eat! In similar breakfast commercial news, a current Yoplait yogurt ad pokes fun at the idea of moms constantly being judged by showing women admitting to paying their kids an allowance and — gasp! — drinking wine. #BRAVE These are both lady-centric foods almost exclusively marketed to women — delicate dishes suitable for the sensitive palates of women folk, which don’t taste that great and really just awaken your hunger for a decent hot meal.
TUESDAY, JULY 11
This week in questionable decisions: Rob Kardashian ripped on his ex, Blac Chyna, on social media, posting personal texts, videos and nude photos of her — which may break California revenge-porn laws; a YouTube star is fighting accusations of trying to give fake hair extensions to a hair donation charity; the Vatican has outlawed gluten-free communion hosts; Rooney Mara revealed she just ate pie for the first time at age 31; and construction workers in New York found what they thought might be a World War II-era bomb this week only to discover it was a harmless time capsule buried at the site of a 1980s nightclub… that happened to look like an old-timey bomb.
CONTACT T.C. BRITTON: letters@citybeat.com
This article appears in Jul 12-19, 2017.
