Death is unavoidable, but one local discussion club looks to help Cincinnatians work out their personal feelings on the subject.
Cincy Death Club, a monthly ‘death cafe’ event run by Jamie Black and Kri Van Sloun, seeks to help attendees get over the phobias and stigmas related to talking about serious experiences like dying, grief and other related personal trauma.
The idea of a ‘death cafe’ came from Swiss sociologist Bernard Crettaz in 2004, but was popularized in London in 2011, and the concept has slowly but surely made its way stateside over the years.
Black is a former employee of Spring Grove Cemetery that now works as a bartender all across town. She said founding the club was important to her because after she lost her mom, dad and a close friend in a short timespan, she realized how important it can be to have a support group.
“I really cared about the work that I did at Spring Grove, and I wanted to find a way to extend that in a community space and give people access to not only a space to talk about death, but a space to talk about similar topics with like-minded folks … whether it’s people from the industry or people who have lost a loved one,” she said.
The club has been in operation for a year now, bouncing around different venues (like the Cincinnati Public Library) before finally setting on Roebling Books & Coffee in Newport as its permanent home. Attendees show up, grab a beverage and some food, and get ready to talk about whatever the night’s theme is before settling into conversation about their own personal feelings.
One month’s theme was about different customs surrounding death in other countries as opposed to Western society. June’s theme was about gender identity in death and the lack of queer elders due to tragedies like the AIDS epidemic. Whatever the theme is, though, “eventually it ends up being more freeform and we talk about our own lives and our own ideas.”
“The topic kind of just starts us off for the discussion, and then from there, we usually just go in any different direction. We talk about whatever somebody wants to talk about. Everybody gets a chance to talk. If somebody doesn’t want to talk, if they just want to observe, that’s fine too,” she said.
Black is also a major volunteer for the Cincinnati Practical Education Coalition, an organization made up of local food and beverage service professionals with the goal to build working-class solidarity through shared education. Initially, the club started through CPEC to give service industry workers a place to voice their thoughts on mortality; over time, it grew to include anyone and everyone.
“We have people that work in the death care industry. We have people that work in hospice care. We have people that have just had a recent loss, and we also have people that have diagnoses where they might be actually dying,” she said. “Because of the mix of people, it’s really interesting to hear everybody’s perspective, people’s concerns, people’s thoughts. We end up laughing a lot of the time because there’s a lot of humor to be found in death, but we do have serious, major conversations as well.”
She said the club helps “lift the stigma” around death and the fear of the unknown, and that she “hopes it gives people a feeling of lightness.”
“I’m somebody who talks about my dead parents a lot, and I can tell that it makes some people uncomfortable. And I kind of like seeing the discomfort, in a weird way, because I used to be uncomfortable … But now, when I talk about it, it’s just proof that there’s life after the worst thing happens to you, right?” she said. “I think that helps ease anxiety for people. Talking about death is important just because if we face these things head on, they aren’t so scary, and that’s what I hope people get out of it. Less fear, more awareness, and more appreciation of the life they have now.”
For more information on Cincy Death Club, visit the official Instagram page for the club and for CPEC.
