HOT: Ted Cruz Denies Being Cool Once
It sometimes seems as if recently-re-elected-somehow Texas Senator Ted Cruz silently sleeps in a large gelatin mold when not in public. Does the big-toe-esque politician engage in normal human-being-like activities like, say, beard-growing and going to concerts? He answered the beard question recently when he returned to work sporting one of the most spectacularly bad facial-hair attempts in recent memory. And during a concert in Texas recently, Nine Inch Nails’ Trent Reznor suggested maybe Cruz has tried to go to concerts, as well. From the stage, Reznor said Cruz requested freebies to the band’s show, but he told him to “fuck off” because the last time he came to a gig, Cruz drank all of the backstage beer. Though Cruz is in the Generation X age range (he’s 47) and could’ve conceivably become a fan of NIN in his 20s, Reznor was obviously joking — clearly Cruz only listens to Nickelback and can drink all of no one’s beer. The Senator did respond to the claims on Twitter, saying “NIN is not my music taste.” He added, “I also didn’t ‘drink all his beer’ last time,” then lyingly boasted, “but I would have!”
WARM: Laugh. Rock. Seriously?
Are you a big fan of the comedy stylings of Larry the Cable Guy, but have never gone to see him perform because you always felt his concerts needed more music, specifically, say, songs about a futuristic robot dystopia? Or maybe you are a fan of classic rockers Styx but refuse to see the band live, not because singer Dennis DeYoung isn’t in the group anymore, but because Tommy Shaw doesn’t make enough low-brow jokes about poor, under-educated working-class people? Well, holy shit, it’s an amazing time for you to be alive, because Styx and Larry the Cable Guy recently announced a handful of co-headlining tour dates. Even they seem to understand it’s a bit of an oddball venture, dubbing the March run of concerts “Laugh. Rock. Seriously.” It’s only seven shows (in Iowa, North Dakota, Montana, Nebraska and Illinois), but we guarantee that if they sell well, the tour will be extended.
COLD: Kids and Uncles
A guess on a music question during a recent episode of Jeopardy! likely elicited two very different responses from the artists mentioned — “Oh yay, I’m remembered… sorta!” and “Oh wow, really?” The category was “Familial Music” and the question — sorry, the answer — was, “Formerly Kid Rock’s DJ, this avuncular fellow has ranged from country-pop to rap-rock.” The show even presented a photo with the clue, but the only contestant to venture a guess still said (rather confidently) “Who’s Kid Cudi?” The correct response, of course, was not the critically-acclaimed solo artist and recent Kanye West collaborator Cudi, but the middle-aged Kid Rock cohort Uncle Kracker, whose 2001 hit “Follow Me” can still be heard hourly over the loudspeakers at the bar in every TGI Fridays. Cudi responded appropriated in a tweet featuring just two emojis — “crying/laughing” and straight “crying heavily.”
This article appears in Nov 28 – Dec 5, 2018.