I have learned more about guys from my current fellow than from all of the dozens of men I’ve dated over many years. It’s one of the things I like about being married. Now my man isn’t representative of all men, but he could be the poster child for a large portion of middle-aged men who didn’t know how sweet and organized life could be until they found a wife.
I recently announced to Snowman that the next time I flip the bedroom mattress I’ll need help. It’s difficult to flip head-to-foot (side-to-side I did alone while he took a nap). He asked when I last flipped it, as if this was a foreign concept in our household. Duh?! Don’t you know I flip the mattress every few months to allow for even wear and prevention of lumps and sagging? Apparently mattress-flipping is a chick thing. Snowman thinks he has occasional back pain from an old high-school sports injury, but I know it’s from years of sleeping on a lumpy mattress before he met me. He should be kissing my behind in gratitude: I’m adding years to his life and keeping him out of traction.
Here’s another little tidbit I learned in marriage: Men actually use the toothbrushes they get free at the dentist. Snowman doesn’t even know if his toothbrush is full head or compact, hard-bristled or soft, straight-handled or sloped. “It gets the job done,” was his curt reply to my inquiry.
I use freebie toothbrushes to clean jewelry or the dog’s teeth. Then I spend a good 20 minutes at the drugstore selecting the perfect toothbrush … every three months! Snowman would probably keep the same toothbrush until it was bald if he didn’t luck up on a new one. Sometimes I replace his toothbrush just on a whim because I care about his teeth. He doesn’t notice. He told me once that he bought toothbrushes in bulk just in case a girl spent the night. FYI: Quality dental care is not sold in multipacks, though it was thoughtful of him to his trashy hos to have minty fresh breath.
Every day of marriage is a new adventure, an enlightening discovery. This wonderful man who won’t eat tofu, will eat a pretzel that fell between the sofa cushions a month ago. Of course, not everything I’ve learned makes women glow in a more positive light. Like I learned that men don’t buy uncomfortable shoes just because they look good, as I’ve done on many occasions. Snowman is quick to remind me — and anyone else who will listen — how one night on the town was cut short because my fabulous brown suede gem encrusted flats were crippling me. But I looked good while I hobbled back to the car.
I’m sure there are plenty of men out there, single, dating and married who run an efficient household. But I sure didn’t get one. That’s not a bad thing. I know my man is downright thrilled to find clean towels in the bathroom on a regular basis. It keeps life exciting to know that I never know what I’m going to find. And the adventurer in me is better for it.
This article appears in Apr 4-10, 2001.