Olympics Opening Ceremony Highlights
The 2018 Winter Olympic Games kicked off Friday in PyeongChang, South Korea. The athletic extravaganza, which continues through Feb. 25, launched with an eventful opening ceremony. Team USA rocked some questionable fashion choices thanks to their Ralph Lauren-designed uniforms. The American designer has a long history of creating Team USA’s Olympic lewks — he’s been named the official uniform designer of the U.S. Olympic team from 2008 to 2020. And each time the winter games roll around, we see top athletes looking like the Polo bear come to life in patriotic après-ski ensembles (the summer athletes rock more of a “boating in the Hamptons” vibe). But the uniform details everyone was talking about were the brown, fringed leather gloves that looked like they were swiped from Lloyd Christmas in Dumb and Dumber.
Speaking of, Mike Pence attended the opening ceremony and was seated really close to Kim Jong-un’s sister, Kim Yo-jong. The two did not interact. Some found it shady that Pence did not stand when the North and South Korean teams entered together under a united flag. Isn’t standing for flags his fetish?
Also in attendance (for a minute) Kim Jong-un and Donald Trump… impersonators. They were escorted from the venue.
Some viewers likened the Olympic torch — which was lit by 30 rings of fire rising to a white cauldron — to a flaming penis.
But the best part of the ceremony was also the best part of the 2016 Summer Olympics: Tongan athlete Pita Taufatofua. After stealing our hearts (and panties) in Rio with his oiled-up, shirtless entrance as Tonga’s flag bearer, Pita is back at it again. A true Olympian, Pita learned to cross-country ski and became skilled enough to qualify for the games in the category — despite being from a country where it doesn’t snow. And thankfully for all of us, he was the country’s flag bearer once again and he didn’t let a little thing like 32-degree weather keep him from giving the people what they want: lubed up abs.
Omarosa’s Return to Reality TV
The U.S. got its first season of Celebrity Big Brother this week (it’s already a hot mess hit in the U.K.), when “stars” including Sugar Ray’s Mark McGrath, UFC Hall of Famer Chuck Liddell and American Pie actress Shannon Elizabeth moved into the reality show house. Most notable among the mix of D-listers is Omarosa, who wasted no time dishing about her days as a White House aide. When human hedgehog Ross Mathews asked why she would agree to be part of the Trump regime, she noted that she felt like she was serving her country, not him, and hoped to be a voice of reason. She then ominously warned that things are “bad,” and when Mathews said he wanted her reassurance that everything would be OK, she said, “No, it’s not going to be OK. It’s not.” You’re tellin’ us, Omarosa!
She later compared her relationship with Donald Trump to housemate Keshia Knight-Pulliam’s (aka Rudy Huxtable) with Bill Cosby, which the latter did not quite appreciate.
Two days after the cameras started rolling, Omarosa experienced an asthma attack (the validity of which some questioned) and peaced out to the hospital. If we’re getting end-of-times talk and hospitalizations in the first week, imagine what the rest of the season has in store!
The Future Is Female
A single genetic mutation in one crayfish 25 years ago has led to an all-female species of the crustacean capable of cloning themselves. Wonder Woman’s Themyscira what? Star Trek tribbles who? That’s right, these mutant lady crayfish don’t need no man, and they’re taking over Europe with their identical lady offspring. They’re spawning at such a rapid rate, creating perfectly healthy female clones also capable of asexual reproduction, they’re starting to threaten native crayfish in some areas. Yas, queens! Between this Marvel movie in the making, the Spice Girls’ reunion and Reba McEntire playing the new KFC colonel, the future is definitely looking female.
Billionaire Sends Sports Car to Space for Fun
This week SpaceX launched Falcon Heavy, the world’s most powerful rocket. Aboard the rocket was SpaceX founder Elon Musk’s personal Tesla Roadster, with a mannequin in a space suit behind the wheel. The sportscar and its “driver,” dubbed Starman, are headed to orbit the sun before essentially being lost in space for thousands of years. As a test mission for SpaceX, the Falcon Heavy needed a “dummy payload” to send into the skies. Since a $100,000 car is equivalent to a paperclip for a guy worth $20 billion, Musk sent his Roadster into space in an epic PR move.
Meanwhile, I’m still making payments on a 2004 Hyundai.
Carrie Bradshaw and Friends Are Never Ever, Ever Getting Back Together
For some reason, some folks are clamoring for another Sex and the City movie. But like Gretchen Weiners and “fetch,” apparently SATC3 is not going to happen. The Daily Mail reported that it was Kim Cattrall’s diva antics that were keeping the threequel off screens, but Samantha herself claimed she simply didn’t want to continue the franchise, and if they wanted to recast her character (blasphemy!), they could. She also found Sarah Jessica Parker and her other co-stars unsupportive of her decision. It’s been a bitchfest ever since, so you’d think a real tragedy might bring the SATC ladies back together. It did not.
Cattrall’s brother passed away this week after going missing, so naturally her celeb friends reached out. SJP was one of those people, and Cattrall was not having it, tagging SJP saying she doesn’t need her love or support at this tragic time. She went on to elaborate, “My Mom asked me today ‘When will that @sarahjessicaparker, that hypocrite, leave you alone?’ Your continuous reaching out is a painful reminder of how cruel you really were then and now. Let me make this VERY clear. (If I haven’t already) You are not my family. You are not my friend. So I’m writing to tell you one last time to stop exploiting our tragedy in order to restore your ‘nice girl’ persona.”
Bringing mom into the fray! I know this must be a really tough time for the Cattralls, but this drama is juicier than any SATC movie.
Contact T.C. Britton: letters@citybeat.com
This article appears in Feb 7-14, 2018.