Office Vest Chic
If you work in an office, near an office or you’re just aware of offices, you may have noticed a new trend among office dudes (and some ladies) centered on an unlikely garment: the fleece vest. The ubiquitous khakis and button-up combo is now often accompanied by what was once considered casual winter wear. What gives?
Thankfully the Wall Street Journal did some research on this fashion breakthrough. The office vest seems to be embraced by the same folks who wear salmon shorts on the weekends — bros who can’t resist dressing alike. The outfit even has a dedicated instagram account, @MidtownUniform.
WSJ attributes the popularity of the fleece vest to casual Fridays giving way to a more comfy business-casual dress code, notoriously chilly office spaces and the innate need for corporate bros to fit in. Twenty-five-year-old investment banker Will Crowley told the Journal, “There are times where I can’t just wear a shirt. I kind of have to wear a vest.” Others cited in the story at least had the self-awareness to be embarrassed by their fleece obsession and requested anonymity. But even though these folks catch flack for adopting this quintessentially Caucasian uniform, the trend persists. Basically, “Regina George wore chinos and a Patagonia vest, so I wore chinos and a Patagonia vest.”
Lumify Lady Eye Drops
Move over Bic For Her pens (yes, I know that joke is like six years old now) — there’s a new product being needlessly marketed to dainty women. Introducing: special drops to make your lady eyes prettier!
While watching a Total Bellas marathon recently (don’t judge), I saw an ad for some eye drops called Lumify that were clearly marketed to young women. And because I was watching E!, I saw it 42 times since they cycle through the same five commercials hour after hour, so I really gave this a lot of thought. *Stefon voice* This ad had everything: a irritatingly catchy theme song, choreography, models in matching ensembles and the promise of whiter, brighter, more radiant eyes! SMH, yet another unrealistic beauty standard for women…’s eyeballs.
A story from Elite Daily describes Lumify as a Snapchat filter for your eyes. Dreams really do come true!
The idea of turning ocular health into a beauty treatment is gross, but what really bugs me here is how eye drop companies continue to ignore their most loyal customers: stoners! You can keep your bright-eyed dancers, Lumify. Show me some drops that can clear up your eyes on the fly after a post-Thanksgiving dinner “walk” and then I’ll be interested.
Speaking of Stoners
As a voracious TV/movie consumer, I am very wary of reboots, sequels and spinoffs. Don’t touch what’s sacred, you know? (I’m lookin’ at you, millennial Daria reboot.) But every once in a while, a reimagining of a classic actually gets it right.
Dreamy goofball daddy Ryan Reynolds will produce an R-rated comedy film inspired by Home Alone (don’t grab your pitchforks quite yet), about a weed grower who misses his flight for a ski trip, gets high at home to console himself, then gets paranoid that people are trying to break into his house and concocts elaborate traps to stop them. It’s called Stoned Alone. Brava.
In other reboot news, a 9 to 5 sequel is in the works; Kristen Stewart (and two who?s) will star in a new Charlie’s Angels flick; Arnold Schwarzenegger is filming a sixth Terminator movie; it’s looking like Frasier will be revived but All in the Family won’t (Sidebar: What’s up with all the recent Frasier love? Multiple people have recently mentioned to me that they’re giving the show “another” binge, meaning they regularly watch the entire series in full. Why? And what is up with that tossed salad and scrambled eggs? End rant.); Living Single stars teased a forthcoming project around the show; Roswell will return to the small screen next year as Roswell, New Mexico; a Magnum, P.I. reboot is in production; Buffy the Vampire Slayer is getting a sequel series; basically everyone (except Steve Carell) is down for an Office reunion; and the long awaited Deadwood movie is officially a go!
Royal Rules
Now that we’ve got an American waltzing around Buckingham Palace — or whatever Meghan Markle’s doing — we’re learning more about some of the rules of being a royal. Spoiler alert: They suck.
There’s a lot of food rules, and not just surrounding etiquette at the dinner table. Shellfish is a no-no for all royals because of the risk of foodborne illness. And you’ll never see fancy pasta on the menu at the palace because Queen Elizabeth is basically keto and forbids all starchy foods. She also hates garlic. The thought of their family dinners makes my taste buds fall asleep. Oh, and fun fact: The Queen eats her bananas with a fork. (She must subscribe to the same banana beliefs as Wiz Khalifa.)
When it comes to hanging out with your royal boo, Duggar family rules are in place, meaning no PDA, not even hand-holding. Prudes!
But it’s not all boiled chicken and pantyhose — the royals know how to party, too. QE2 loves her booze. She reportedly starts drinking before noon with a gin cocktail (how very British!), then enjoys wine at lunch, a dry gin martini after that and champagne for dessert. And if you manage to keep up with her drinking, you better crack open a Red Bull or two because falling asleep before the Queen is another faux pas. The 92-year-old is a night owl, too, regularly staying up until midnight. Get it, Liz!
Contact T.C. Britton: [email protected]
