WEDNESDAY, NOV. 30
Fish had a tough week. More than 10,000 animals in Ripley’s Aquarium of the Smokies were left behind when the attraction became surrounded by flames after wildfire tore through Gatlinburg and other areas in Sevier County, Tenn. earlier this week. Thankfully, the building remained intact and all of the animals were safe. But the same couldn’t be said for the aquatic creatures frozen in a Japanese ice rink. The Space World amusement park in Kitakyushu, Japan unveiled a first-of-its-kind “Aquarium on Ice” exhibit — a skating rink filled with 5,000 dead fish, lobsters, rays and other animals frozen under the ice. The oceanic experience from hell (well, if hell froze over) was promptly shut down after the theme park received backlash because of the tasteless attraction. Space World manager Toshimi Takeda told CNN the park purchased the creatures, already dead and inedible, and would thaw them out of the rink, remove them, hold an “appropriate religious service” and recycle them as fertilizer. The circle of life, folks!
THURSDAY, DEC. 01
President-elect Dontald (typo but it stays because his name should come with the warning “DON’T”) Trump launched his victory tour today, starting with a stop here in Cincinnati that shut down major roads around the city. But when it comes to big Trump news, it’s all about his fashion choices. This week it was revealed on a windy day that he tapes his neckties down. We’re not talking the fashion adhesive many stylists use to keep an outfit in its place; we’re talking the office supply variety, carelessly slapped on to secure the tail to the back of the tie. Cut to middle-aged men around the world: “I saw Donald Trump wearing ties with Scotch tape, so I bought ties and Scotch tape.” The president-elect truly is the Regina George of idiots. T-Rump also unveiled a new soon-to-be iconic red hat, now that he has presumably Made America Great Again. It says USA across the front with the number 45 on the side — surprisingly basic for such a witty man with so very much to say. Here are some more options for him to consider:
• Stop Recounting Already!
• Big Head, Huge Hands
• Obama Didn’t Have a Hat
• Chinese, Taiwanese, Dirty Knees, Look at These
• Boycott SNL
• Leave Ivanka Alone
• Leave Melania Alone
• Leave Barron Alone
• Just Leave Us All Alone, OK?
• Make America Tape Again
FRIDAY, DEC. 02
It’s that time of the year when various media declare the top news stories, photos, phrases and other trends of 2016. So it’s a little depressing that Dictionary.com’s word of the year is “xenophobia” — a far cry from last year’s eye-roll-worthy but much lighter Oxford Dictionary WOTY, the laughing-with-tears emoji. Related: A Google Chrome extension called “Stop Normalizing The Alt Right,” automatically replaces all mentions of “alt-right” on any web page with the phrase “white supremacy.” So if you were to look up alt-right on Wikipedia, you would find, “The white supremacy is a loose group of people with far-right ideologies who reject mainstream conservatism in the United States.” Users can also choose to replace the controversial term with “Neo-Nazi.” Choices!
SATURDAY, DEC. 03
Greater Cincinnati bars, restaurants, landmarks and other establishments were name-checked by national press this week. Gorilla Cinema drinkeries the Overlook Lodge and the Video Archive garnered attention in a New York Times piece on movie-themed bars. The neighborhood watering holes pay homage to The Shining and Quentin Tarantino films, respectively. Meanwhile, Vogue named Cincinnati/Covington, Ky. one of five “Industrial Cities Making America’s Rust Belt Shine Again.” The fashion mag cited 21c Museum Hotel, Taft’s Ale House, MainStrasse Village and Braxton Brewing Co. among many other local haunts as spots to eat, drink and stay. Unfortunately, most readers who clicked on that link were mistakenly hoping to find bedazzled ruddy waist cinchers were disappointed to find a list of Midwestern cities.
SUNDAY, DEC. 04
The Hamilton Mixtape, an album of remixes and covers from Mike Pence’s favorite Hip Hopera, dropped this week and, as the kids say, it’s fire. Creator and original Broadway star Lin Manuel Miranda collaborated with artists from The Roots to Kelly Clarkson and John Legend on what’s sure to be in every good little girl and gay’s stocking this Christmas. But you know it’s bad when Americans are so disillusioned by politics that a fictionalized 18th-century dead president’s mixtape is the most inspiring thing happening in U.S. government.
MONDAY, DEC. 05
Amy Schumer is reportedly in talks to star in a live-action Barbie movie. Everyone’s freaking out about the notion of a woman who consumes solid food and has her entire rib cage intact bravely portraying the eating disorder-triggering doll, but what about the fact that she’s an explicit comedian who jokes about some very adult topics? Anyone? Besides, everyone (including Schumer) knows if Amy were to be any kind of doll, she’d be a Cabbage Patch Kid.
TUESDAY, DEC. 06
The Grammy Award nominees were announced Tuesday morning. Beyoncé leads with nine nominations, followed by Kanye West, Drake and Rihanna with eight each and Chance the Rapper with seven. Carpool Karaoke king James Corden hosts the Feb. 12 show. While Ye should be pleased with his number of nods, the rapper was noticeably absent from the Album of the Year list while Bey — who he recently dissed in concert before canceling his tour and being hospitalized — is on it. As West continues to recover in the Kardashian Koven, Beyoncé continues to count her coins and sip her Lemonade.
CONTACT T.C. BRITTON: [email protected]