The Bengals only play eight home games a year. Here are five worth checking out, whether you’re joining the tailgaters driving Bengals-striped RVs or yelling at the TV with your buds in a sports bar.
Oct. 8 vs. Buffalo Bills
By the second week of October, we will know a lot about the 2017 Bengals. Will they be 0-4, 4-0 or somewhere in between? Will Vontaze Burfict act right during Game 4 after sitting out three weeks suspended for sort of hitting a player without the ball in a preseason game? The first month of the season offers only one true cupcake, the Browns on Oct. 1, so it will be critical for the Who Deys to either get right against the shitty Bills. Buffalo traded its best wide receiver during the offseason seemingly looking ahead to a time after Tom Brady retires and it can actually win the division.
Oct. 29 vs. Indianapolis Colts
Some people around here adopted the Indianapolis Colts during the Peyton Manning era when the Bengals were simultaneously sucking. Well, now the tables have turned — the Bengals are the more talented team and the Colts’ quarterback situation is messier than anyone would have thought after the team drafted Andrew Luck No. 1 overall in 2012. Luck missed all of this year’s training camp after shoulder surgery for an injury that has been bothering him for two years. As of this writing he sat out Week 1 and is considered “week to week” going forward. Their running back Frank Gore is like 40 years old. One week after probably losing to the Steelers on the road, the Bengals will need to take care of business against Indy.
Nov. 26 vs. Cleveland Browns
The Cleveland Browns’ annual visit to Paul Brown Stadium will take place in Week 11 this year. If the Bengals are 5-5, beating the Browns before hosting Pittsburgh the following week will be critical. While the same thing applies if they they’re 4-6 or 6-4 (try to win), the late-season schedule appears to loosen up: After hosting the Steelers Week 12, the Bengals’ final four games are against Chicago, Minnesota, Detroit and Baltimore. Not so scary compared to the Packers, Broncos, Texans and Titans — all part of Cincinnati’s early to mid-season slate, three of which are on the road. Former Bengals offensive coordinator Hugh Jackson has added talent to the Browns roster, but they’re still looking for a quarterback who can get them out of the AFC North basement.
Dec. 4 vs. Pittsburgh Steelers
After the Bengals’ Week 1 meltdown, it’s hard to imagine this game having AFC North championship implications, but the late-season clash with Pittsburgh will still be interesting, if only to watch players try to stay alive while each team’s dudes try to hurt each other. Since that’s kind of gross, let’s hope the Bengals are in the postseason hunt, Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger is on the sideline because of some stupid ailment and the good guys get a leg up on the division as the final month of the season approaches. The Steelers’ head coach once tripped a player who was running down the field. These guys are dicks.
Dec. 10 vs. Chicago Bears
If the Bengals are having a good year, knocking off the lowly Chicago Bears will be important. If the Who Deys are basically out of it, there will be very cheap tickets to this game. Either way, December is a nice time to visit Paul Brown Stadium for some winter-weather football, provided winter still exists in our constantly warming world and all the hurricanes have stopped by then. The Bears traded up one spot in the 2017 NFL Draft to select quarterback Mitch Trubisky, who started the season as the team’s backup but will probably be running around the field demonstrating his inexperience and the front office’s ineptitude by this time in the year.
This article appears in Sep 6-13, 2017.