Hurricane Irene’s outer bands today reached North Carolina and is sure to fuck some shit up in the next couple of days. One couple even had to re-schedule their wedding. Sadface. Barack Obama said today that Irene is a huge, destructive bitch that is “extremely dangerous.” I told him not to talk about my ex like that.
Mitt Romney got super pissed at a voter during a town hall meeting in New Hampshire on Wednesday. While a woman was asking a lengthy and probably equally irrelevant question involving The Faces’ impact on big government, Romney interrupted her and asked, “Did somebody in the room say that we don’t need any government?” The lady then calls the balanced budget amendment “irresponsible,” to which Romney replies, “Do you have a question, and let me answer your question.”
“Yes, how do you think the government can not provide funds for the people, its citizens?”
Romney goes on to answer the question while the woman is talking, probably saying what a douche he is, and Romney chimes, “You had your turn madam, now let me have mine!”
Japan’s Prime Minister Naoto Kan has announced his resignation, after receiving criticism following the aftermath of the devastating earthquakes, tsunamis and nuclear disaster that he was totally responsible(?) for in March. His resignation clears the way for the country’s sixth leader in five years.
Complaints and a request from the archbishop means that Cincinnati Catholic high school, Mother of Mercy, has canceled its scheduled goodwill Ramadan dinner with a Muslim group. President of Mother of Mercy school, Kirsten MacDougal, says Archbishop Dennis Schnurr received “emotionally charged” (read: racist) e-mails and asked the girls’ school to cancel its Friday night plans. The event instead will be held at a church parish center.
So that giga-Jesus park they’re building in Williamstown Ky.? Turns out the Kentucky taxpayers are picking up the tab. Oh, what’s that Northern Kentucky commuter residents that read this? You didn’t know that? Now you do. Let the rioting begin. At least you got that sweet tax break on the property.
The Centre Daily Times reports that a couple of newlyweds were caught shoplifting food from a Pennsylvania supermarket for their wedding reception. The groom, 32-year-old Arthur Phillips III, and his bride, 22-year-old Brittany Lurch, were arrested Saturday after taking more than $1,000 in merchandise from a Wegmans supermarket in State College. Bet they’ll tell little Arthur Phillips IV about this one when he gets older.
Half of Americans will be obese by 2030, a study says. So start reading my blog on an elliptical while you’re in spin class or you’ll turn in to a fat vegetable.
Today, I had seven pieces of bacon for breakfast. I am now a statistic. Enjoy this swell little Miike Snow remix by Mark Ronson.
Have a great day, World!
This article appears in Aug 24-30, 2011.