Fasten your seatbelts for a wild ride through corn and the quirkier side of 2023, Cincinnati! From a stolen wolf statue making a roaring comeback to the most ironic court date imaginable, this year’s bizarre headlines make the depressing ones go down a bit easier. From Joey Votto invoking aliens to “cocaine cat,” it’s time to dive into the weirdest tales that had Cincinnati shaking its head in disbelief in 2023.

Stolen Wolf Statue Returns with Italian Fanfare In a saga fit for an Italian soap opera, the Capitoline Wolf Statue, a stolen gem from Cincinnati’s Eden Park, has made a triumphant return – or rather, its replica has. After the original disappeared under mysterious circumstances in June 2022, officials held a grand unveiling of the replacement on Nov. 3, complete with the Cincinnati chapter of the Order Sons & Daughters of Italy in America (OSIA). The timing, they say, is as rare as a she-wolf in someone’s closet, with the replica’s dedication falling near the 100th anniversary of OSIA. The stolen original, a gift from Benito Mussolini in 1929, had quite the journey – switched out for a larger replica in 1931, it stood in Eden Park until snatched by vandals in 2022. Despite city council member Jeff Cramerding’s $50,000 reward offer, the police are still playing catch-up with the statue-nappers. OSIA swiftly secured funds for a replacement, incorporating “security enhancements” this time around. The unveiling, complete with Italian crooners and treats, turned the whole affair into a beautifully cheesy Italian-American spectacle, reminding everyone that Cincinnati’s got history, both stolen and recreated. Photo: Madeline Fening
Trump Cancels on Freedom Fest Surprisingly enough, former President Donald Trump does NOT want to go to “the Bulldog’s” backyard barbecue after all. It was announced in August that Trump left conservative YouTuber and part-time conspiracy theorist Eric “the Bulldog” Deters in the lurch by pulling out of the much-hyped 2023 “Freedom Fest” in Northern Kentucky. The festival, organized by Deters, a suspended lawyer, had Trump headlining alongside other members of the Trump clan and a cast of conservative characters, including Dog the Bounty Hunter. Alas, Trump had other priorities – namely, campaigning in Iowa – leading to the festival’s abrupt cancellation. Deters, with a flair for the dramatic, expressed the difficulty of the decision, citing disappointed ticket holders who were promised a Trump spectacle. Meanwhile, Trump, amidst his presidential campaign pursuits and facing a collection of legal woes, left Deters to deal with the fallout. The suspended lawyer, known for his rants against Hunter Biden, transphobic memes and vaccine conspiracy theories, quickly dusted off his troubles, hinting at a sequel – “Freedom Fest” 2024. Photo: Eric Deters for Kentucky and America on Facebook
Kid Rock Was Caught Drinking Bud Light After Fit About Trans UC Alum In a spectacular display of “cancel culture” hypocrisy, Kid Rock threw a tantrum over Bud Light’s partnership with trans activist and University of Cincinnati Alum, Dylan Mulvaney, only to be caught casually sipping a Bud Light at a Nashville show months later. Kid Rock first got his panties in a twist because Anheuser-Busch sent Mulvaney a can with her face on it to celebrate her first “365 Days of Girlhood,” her TikTok series chronicling her first year post-transition. In fact, that flimsy aluminum beer can upset the washed up “rock star” so much that he posted a video of himself shooting cases of the beer with a semiautomatic rifle while looking like he was going to cry. From emotionally using rice beer as target practice to a newfound love for Bud Light, Kid Rock’s journey suggests he’s had a change of heart. Welcome to the acceptance party, Kid! And cheers to the unexpected twists in his journey to gender enlightenment. Photo: Provided by MEMI
Vivek Ramaswamy Lost Himself in … Rapping? Vivek Ramaswamy, the Cincinnati-native and “anti-woke” Republican presidential hopeful, made the wise choice to stop performing Eminem sing-alongs for voters. During an Aug. 12 campaign stop at the Iowa State Fair, the 38-year-old near billionaire launched into a cover of Eminem’s “Lose Yourself” while shaking hands with supporters. The C-SPAN moment felt ripped out of a lost Veep script, with Ramaswamy as our Jonah Ryan. But Slim Shady himself (who was once questioned by the Secret Service for his anti-Trump freestyle rap at the 2017 BET Awards) quickly sent a cease and desist to the Ramaswamy campaign. A spokesperson from the campaign told CityBeat that Ramaswamy had just “cut loose” at the fair, and that he’d leave the rapping to the “real Slim Shady.” Photo: CSPAN screenshot
Lakota Local School District spans 63 square miles, serving 17,400 students in Liberty and West Chester townships. Photo: Laker, Pexels
As the desire for fuller lips and younger-looking skin swells in the US, so does the black market for injectable products. Photo: Jonathan Borba, Pexels
Joey Votto Said What About Aliens? Looking back on this far-out prediction from Joey Votto is bittersweet. For one, aliens did not give the Reds the help they needed this season, and two, we miss him already. On Feb. 27, Major League Baseball’s Instagram account urged users, “Drop your boldest NL Central prediction” and tagged players from the division’s teams to answer, including Cincinnati Reds first baseman Joey Votto. And yes, Votto’s thoughtful, reasonable, not-at-all-batshit theory was as glorious as you’d hope: “Extra terrestrials arrive on earth, April 15th. The 12-2 Reds and the rest of the planet learn from, communicate with, and befriend our alien friends,” Votto commented below the post. “This process takes 5 months. Play resumes in October. The Reds sweep the playoffs and are World Series champs.” This, sadly, did not happen. The Reds went 82-80 and the 40-year-old Votto became a free agent after he had his $20 million club option declined by the Reds. But, Votto did make a side note in that wonderfully weird Instagram comment, saying: “The aliens ask if I would like to accompany them on their ship back to their plant. I oblige. Never to be seen again.” Photo: Anders Saling
Cocaine Cat! A big cat with a small cocaine problem became a “cat ambassador,” one of Cincinnati’s more unexpected outcomes of the year. News broke on March 9 that Cincinnati Animal CARE (CAC), the non-profit that operates Hamilton County’s dog warden, received a call on Jan. 28 about a “leopard” stuck in a tree in Oakley. Turns out, after an encounter with Cincinnati Police, an illegal serval escaped from an apartment and ran up a tree. Crews retrieved the “grumpy” 35-pound cat, named Amiry, bringing him back to CAC’s Northside shelter. CAC told CityBeat a big cat expert confirmed Amiry was in fact a 100% pure-bred serval, adding he’d “rather deal with a tiger.” Servals are native to savannas in more than 35 African countries. They’re illegal to own in Ohio but legal in Indiana with a special permit. In addition to a DNA test, the team also ran a drug test on the cat, which CAC said is standard protocol for strange or exotic cases. The test came back positive for cocaine, making the ”cocaine cat” nickname a viral hit after Elizabeth Banks’ horror/comedy Cocaine Bear was released in February. After receiving treatment for a broken leg at CAC for a couple of days, Amiry was transferred to the Cincinnati Zoo for continued treatment. On March 10, the zoo announced that Amiry was on the mend and transitioning into a new role as a “cat ambassador.” The zoo’s Cat Ambassador Program started in 1980 with the goal of raising awareness about helping cheetahs, but expanded in 2021 to include servals, ocelots, domestic cats and dogs, a crested porcupine and a red river hog. It’s still unclear if charges will be filed against Amiry’s former owner, but the serval is thriving at the zoo among new drug-free friends. Photo: Provided by Ray Anderson
Afroman’s Merry Spliffmas When: Dec. 23 at 6:30 p.m. Where: Riverfront Live, The Banks What: Afroman live Who: Afroman Why: As Riverfront’s website puts it: “‘Because I got high’ is also a good excuse when your friends and family ask why you didn’t bring any gifts to the holiday shindig.” Photo: YouTube screengrab
The Summer of Shit Air Quality We’re used to weird weather in Ohio, but the weirdest atmospheric event of 2023 had to be the summer of shitty air quality. While some western states are used to such a haze from California wildfires, it was actually Canada that sent the visible smoke our way. Crews battled sweeping, rampant wildfires across Canada starting in May, an early start to the typical wildfire season. By July, the Canadian Interagency Forest Fire Centre said it was battling 881 active wildfires across the country, 578 of which were considered “out of control.” Smoke, ozone and tiny particles, known as PM2.5, blew straight down to Cincinnati and across the Midwest. The smoke was so thick at times the Cincinnati skyline was barely visible from typically clear vantage points. While air quality alerts have expired, hazy days such as these are expected to become a common occurrence in a warming climate. Photo: Cincinnati Cam