WEDNESDAY, DEC. 28
Debbie Reynolds said “F this mess” Wednesday and danced on up to the Halloweentown in the sky, following her daughter Carrie Fisher, who had passed away just one day earlier. Reynolds was 84 years old and in the process of planning Fisher’s funeral. Each a Hollywood star in her own right, Reynolds and Fisher, unsurprisingly, didn’t have the typical mother-daughter relationship. They performed together, shared the spotlight and saw personal family issues make headlines. Both experienced talked-about public splits — Carrie’s dad Eddie Fisher famously left Reynolds for Elizabeth Taylor; Fisher and her partner/baby daddy Bryan Lord broke up when he came out and started a relationship with another man. Da-rama! In the end, the notion of them longing to be together after death is sadly sweet. A documentary about their relationship, Bright Lights: Starring Carrie Fisher and Debbie Reynolds, airs this week on HBO. We all joked about the devil working overtime in the final weeks of The Year That Must Not Be Named, snatching away celeb after beloved celeb. We asked for it! Even the 84-year-old inventor of the red Solo Cup — America’s official alcohol receptacle — made his grand exit before the year was over, truly marking the end of the party that was 2016.
THURSDAY, DEC. 29
Ever since Drake and Serena Williams brought their romance to Cincinnati in 2015, we were rooting for the pair. If you recall, Williams was in town that summer for the Western & Southern Open, and the Cheesecake Factory’s No. 1 fan came along for support. The pair was even spotted making out at downtown restaurant Sotto (because who can resist being seduced by those dim lights and sexy donuts). But it looks like that ’ship has sailed because Williams’ boyfriend of more than a year, Reddit co-founder Alexis Ohanian, put a ring on it. The tennis star announced the engagement in a poem posted on Reddit this week. Meanwhile in Canada, Drake set the internet abuzz posting photos of Jennifer Lopez, teasing us all into thinking his CN Tower is all up in Jenny from the Block (sorry). The thirsty pair even attended a prom-themed party this week and danced to what sounds like a forthcoming song they recorded together. As the rest of the world collectively rolls its eyes, Taylor Swift is furiously taking notes in the Lisa Frank binder she uses for stunting tips.
FRIDAY, DEC. 30
It’s traveling season, and everyone knows airplane etiquette has gone down the shitter in the years since flight attendants were called stewardesses and wore mini-skirt uniforms and everyone smoked cigarettes on the flight (OK, some changes have been for the better). But if you thought poor flight form was just reserved for those who mix pills and booze a la Bridesmaids and the rest of us poor plebs in coach, think again. Silicon Valley star Kumail Nanjiani did some traveling recently and documented his flight with a pantless passenger. Despite the fact that they were clearly in spacious first-class, this man felt compelled to remove his jeans for the duration of the flight and extend his naked legs onto the wall separating his area from the passenger in front of him (#firstclassproblems), feet on either side of his TV screen. Nanjiani says the guy was incredibly rude to the staff — shocking — and remained in his socks and boxers until the plane was descending, at which point he repantsed in the aisle. So what film was the passenger watching between his bare legs? Florence Foster Jenkins, a movie that Nanjiani notes is ironically about “a woman who can’t read the room.” Some movies call for near-nude watching, but a Meryl Streep flick? Maybe if he was watching Sully he’d have a better excuse, because who doesn’t get hot watching Tom Hanks play a silver fox?
SATURDAY, DEC. 31
Mariah Carey headlined the simply titled Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve with Ryan Seacrest and instead of making like other artists and pre-recording a performance for the show, the butterfly princess decided to go live. What followed was a scene from Ashlee Simpson’s nightmares. (Like that timely pop cultural reference?) Shit was messed up out the gate. Mariah was clearly lip syncing, needed two backup dancers to help her walk down a few steps on stage, dramatically pulled out an allegedly non-working earpiece, quit trying altogether, offered ad-libbed commentary as the music played on, made her fans sing the words for her and then casually peaced out. While her management claimed this was some kind of sabotage (cut to the ghost of Dick Clark messing with the audio), Mimi shrugged it off in a tweet later that night, saying “Shit happens” and “Here’s to making more headlines in 2017.” The shade!
SUNDAY, JAN. 01
In the early morning hours of this new year, an unknown cloaked hero altered the iconic “HOLLYWOOD” landmark sign to read “HOLLYWeeD.” Whether it’s a reference to the state’s recent vote to legalize recreational marijuana or a nod to an identical prank on New Year’s Day 1976, we approve. What’s the old O.C. tune? “California, California, here we come!”
MONDAY, JAN. 02
As The Bachelor premiered in its 64th 49th 21st season, basketball legend Kareem Abdul-Jabbar decided to break his silence on the reality dating show in a guest column for The Hollywood Reporter. KAJ opposes the concept and the messages it says about love and romance, but since when is he a relationship expert? Who says new Bachelor Nick Viall can’t find love on television, in a pool of 30 strangers (and, spoiler, one random woman you boned a few months ago), among them an “aspiring dolphin trainer” dressed in a shark costume she thinks is a porpoise and a 24-year-old who claimed to run her (dad’s) own company yet still has a nanny?
TUESDAY, JAN. 03
Hatchimals were the IT gift this holiday season. And like the Tickle Me Elmos and Furbies of yesteryear, these talking animatronic toys did not come without controversy. F-word laden controversy. Parents have reported the toys, which come in an egg and hatch, revealing a talking avian creature, are muttering “fuck me.” But with a price tag of $60-$80, which soared on eBay when stores sold out, Hatchimals creators are like, “Wait, you thought this was a kid’s toy?!”
CONTACT T.C. BRITTON: letters@citybeat.com
This article appears in Jan 4-11, 2017.