WEDNESDAY, JUNE 07
A McDonald’s billboard got attention this week advertising a new green chili breakfast burrito and reading, “Usually, when you roll something this good, it’s illegal!” The ad was placed in New Mexico (where weed is not legal) near the Colorado border (where it is). A New Mexico franchisee hired an advertising company to put up the billboard, but the McD’s corporation was not amused: “This local franchise billboard does not meet our standards and is being taken down,” the company released in a statement. We were going to riff on some other fast food stoner slogans, but the joke’s on us because that new McDonald’s burrito actually sounds kinda good…
THURSDAY, JUNE 08
Former FBI Director James Comey testified in front of the Senate on Thursday to discuss his meetings with Donald Trump prior to his firing and whether Trump interfered with the FBI’s investigation into Russia. Total snoozefest? Quite the contrary! Comey released a written testimony in advance, and it turns out the guy’s a helluva scribe. He set the scene with details describing awkward silences with the president and a particular grandfather clock. The Washington Examiner even compared his style to that of Ernest Hemingway. In response to Trump’s tweet about possible tapes of their conversations, Comey actually said, “Lordy, I hope there are tapes!” Who does he think he is, Neil Gorsuch? Golly gosh! John McCain might need to check his meds, tryna bring Hillary Clinton into this mess and accidentally referring to Comey as president. He chalked it up to staying up late to watch the Arizona Diamondbacks game. OK, John… Bars in Washington and beyond even hosted live watch parties so folks could get their cocktails and covfefe on. Who says millennials don’t care about politics? (It helps when real life starts to look like House of Cards.)
FRIDAY, JUNE 09
What is the deal with huggers? That’s presumably what Jerry Seinfeld was thinking when Kesha tried to embrace him during on a red carpet this week. The comedian was headlining an event for the David Lynch Foundation at the Kennedy Center in D.C., giving interviews when Kesha interrupted.
“I’m Kesha, I love you so much,” she said to Seinfeld. “Can I give you a hug?”
“No thanks.”
“Please?”
“No thanks.”
“A little one?”
“Yeah, no thanks.”
Seinfeld swerved on the singer, dodging her touch no less than three times and thus, reaching peak Larry David.
SATURDAY, JUNE 10
June is LGBTQ Pride month, and with it comes parades, demonstrations, festivities and… a new gay icon? Somehow the Babadook has become a gay pride symbol. A little context: The Babadook is a 2014 Australian horror film about the eponymous monster that terrorizes a family through the pages of a creepy children’s book. Like the origin story of many a meme, Babadook’s rise to queer icon status started on Tumblr, where users joked about the monster being openly gay, but also drew connections to a monster being suppressed and how many LGBT people feel that way in their own families. As Pride celebrations descended onto various cities this weekend, so did the most fabulous interpretations of the Babadook. Will Babadook’s gay status stand the test of time? Moreover, is this the liberal answer to the alt-right’s hijacking of Pepe the Frog?
SUNDAY, JUNE 11
The 71st-annual Tony Awards took place Sunday, celebrating the best on Broadway. Questionable host Kevin Spacey poked fun at the choice to have him head the event in an opening number that saw Spacey dress in drag and joke about coming out of the closet (or not coming out, as he never has). John Legend won his first Tony — Best Revival of a Play for Jitney — and is now just an Emmy away from joining the EGOT club (aka Winners of an Emmy, Grammy, Oscar and Tony awards). Susan Lucci no more: 83-year-old costume designer won her first competitive Tony (she’s previously received a lifetime achievement award) for her costumes in The Little Foxes after 21 nominations. And the legendary Bette Midler lived up to her title as a bonafide badass Broadway bitch, winning Best Actress in a Musical for Hello, Dolly! and refusing to yield to the cut-off music during her speech. “Shut that crap off!” she said to the orchestra, and continues her thank-yous for more than four minutes. Yas queen!
MONDAY, JUNE 12
The Golden State Warriors beat the Cleveland Cavaliers in Game 5 of the NBA finals on Monday. Kevin Durant, who is now the sixth player in league history to score 30 or more points in each game of the finals, was honored as the series’ most valuable player. But we all know his mom, the ever-ecstatic Wanda Durant, is the real MVP, and she stole the show post-game. Unfortunately that’s a loss for ole Ohio. LeBron James had to lead the Cavs to victory in order to overthrow Michael Jordan as the greatest player of all time, but he fell short. Some are even blaming Khloé Kardashian, who is dating Cav Tristan Thompson (almost accidentally wrote Trinity Taylor there — clearly watching more Drag Race than basketball) for tainting the team with the infamous Kardashian kurse. Meanwhile we’re just salty that the game interrupted our Monday Bachelorette routine.
TUESDAY, JUNE 13
So, the deodorant challenge is a thing. Teens are taking aerosol deo and spraying it as close to the skin as possible, essentially giving themselves a gnarly freezer burn. Kids today are really dumb, but it’s important to remember all kids have always been really dumb. We once got kicked out of the Tri-County mall Ruby Tuesday’s for doing what now would be called the #SaltIceChallenge: We’d take table salt, pour into a tiny pile on our hands and see who could hold down an ice cube on it the longest. We still have scars.
CONTACT T.C. BRITTON: letters@citybeat.com
This article appears in Jun 14-21, 2017.