The big pop news this week comes courtesy of the VMAs, which can best be summed up in Michael Jackson Video Vanguard Award-winner Kanye West’s words: “I don’t understand it, bro!”
Host Miley Cyrus successfully freed her nipple on live TV (we all knew that was coming), called Snoop Dogg her “mammy” and ended the night with a performance of a new song about “smoking pot” (suspiciously, a term no one who actually smokes pot uses) from a surprise new self-released album that is available for free streaming. The only redeemable aspect of that final performance was the cast of 30 (mostly) RuPaul’s Drag Race stars dancing along — perhaps a preview of All Stars 2?
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Kanye was awarded the VMA’s Video Vanguard honor by none other than Taylor Swift, who force-smiled her way through Kanye’s predictably chaotic speech as she pretended to be BFFs with also force-smiling Kim Kardashian in the audience.
Just like every other time Kanye opens his mouth to comment on his own shit, it was confusing as fuck. It started off sounding like he was about to apologize for the “Imma let you finish” moment, but took a few confusing winds down the roads into biblical territory (And Yeezus said, “…sometimes I feel like I died for the artist’s opinion,”) and ended with the joking(?) announcement of a 2020 presidential run. Why wait, Kanye?
Elsewhere, Bieber flied and cried, fake beef was squashed and new fake beef created. And where was Rihanna? Bitch better have her VMA!
Apparently, despite being full of nudity, celebrities and OuTrAgEoUs moments, it was the least-watched VMAs ever. Isn’t that just how it works — everyone and their out-of-touch uncle are talking about the shitshow, but none of them actually watched it first-hand. Pretty accurate depiction of humans today.
Ohio was well-represented throughout the night — Twenty-One Pilots (of Columbus, Ohio) performed during the show with ASAP Rocky, Eric Nally of Foxy Shazam gained national attention with his Freddy Mercury-esque contribution to Macklemore & Ryan Lewis’ outdoor performance of “Downtown” and Walk the Moon kicked off pre-show. #ohioagainsttheworld
So we all know Serena Williams was in town for the Western & Southern Open just a few weeks ago, but besides kicking ass on the court (and sucking face at Sotto), she was also filming a Beats by Dre commercial here. Fun!
Labor Day weekend is upon us, which means fireworks, grill-outs and poolside fun there’s not a lot of good TV this week. Luckily, fall is right around the corner, and with the cool air and pumpkin spice mania comes ALL THE SHOWS. Check out our fall TV preview in this week’s television column.
Janet Jackson’s first tour in four years kicked off this week in Vancouver and — da fuq is she wearing?
Basic bitches of the world (myself first and foremost): Rejoice! Drinking at Target may soon become socially acceptable — and I’m not talking about the wine-in-a-coffee-cup trick you alchies pull. A Chicago Target is getting two liquor licenses — one to sell the hard stuff on shelves, and the other to sell wine, beer and cocktails in an on-site bar. ON-SITE BAR. For the love of god, please let this expand to all locations.
Christina Applegate is Meryl Streep.
This article appears in Sep 2-8, 2015.