Running away from AIDS

In the year 2000, after volunteering for AVOC (Aids Volunteers of Cincinnati) for five years, I ran away.

I was part of AVOC’s buddy program ­ being a friend to someone suffering from the illness and I took the volunteer job seriously. My first buddy was Greg and while I only knew him 11 months, we became very close. I was the one with him when he died in a nursing home on the west side of town on Feb. 26, 1996.

After his death, I continued my volunteer work and became friends with most of my clients. They all eventually died.

Three years ago, I made up an excuse to leave. I said I wasn’t on the same page with the people who ran the agency but that really wasn’t true. Reality is I no longer could get close to one of my clients — then watch them die. I couldn’t then move on to another person who would eventually suffer the same fate.

It was all starting to get to me, so I bolted. I had had enough and I wanted AIDS out of my life forever.

But running hasn’t helped. Maybe a person can run but they can’t hide and they certainly can’t forget. I know I can’t. I know too much.

I have information on this illness that keeps it all too well in focus and while I want it all to go away, I can’t pretend like I’m ignorant when I hear false statements about AIDS and I hear them all the time.

I’m amazed when I hear people say that AIDS isn’t killing that many anymore, that it’s a manageable illness. I know better. I know that in 2002 alone, AIDS caused the deaths of approximately three million people worldwide and that number includes an estimated 580,000 children younger than 15.

I just can’t nod my head in agreement when I hear that new infections are going down because it isn’t true. 14,000 new infections happen each day and according to the National Institute of Allergy and infectious Diseases, 6,000 young people aged 15 to 24 become infected with HIV every day. That’s about five every minute.

I can’t act like I’m not angry when I hear that AIDS is a problem for under-developed countries and not for the good old USA. The fact is that AIDS is the fifth-leading cause of death in the United States among people aged 25 to 44 and is the leading cause of death for black men in this age group.

Basically, I just can’t handle the ignorance.

AIDS became a part of my life when my twin brother died from it in September of 1994. When I wore that red ribbon to his funeral, I knew nothing about AIDS. I just knew it had killed my brother.

Now I’m educated. Now I know and sometimes knowing hurts.

I’ve watched AIDS claim so many lives and so many friends over the years, why would I even think I could run away from it and pretend like it’s not there? Well, I’m not going to run anymore. Again, I know too much. I may not like it, but AIDS is a part of my life.

To say that I want other people to share the pain would be unfair. To say that I want others to pick up where I left off and get involved also isn’t right. Maybe what is right is that I don’t want ignorance when it comes to this illness. I want people to wise up. If nothing else, I want them to have the knowledge that AIDS STILL KILLS PEOPLE.

I want AIDS to leave me alone, but I suspect it never will. I can’t watch people die anymore but running away wasn’t the answer. Maybe educating others on this horrible illness will be.

This article appears in Oct 1-7, 2003.