This Week in Questionable Decisions…
1. Fall Out Boy’s Pete Wentz named his newborn daughter after Captain Marvel. At least Marvel Jane is not as bad as Pepper Potts.
2. A white Yale student called the police over a black student napping in a dorm common area. Y’all, this has to stop.
3. An Arizona woman was arrested for stalking after allegedly sending a man 65,000 texts, breaking into his house and chilling in his bathtub.
4. A different human was caught after breaking into Rihanna’s house and spending the night (thankfully she wasn’t there).
5. The Israeli Premier League futbol club is set to rename itself after Trump.
6. A newly engaged woman’s photo went viral after she accidentally texted her friends a live photo of the ring that, when played, revealed her fiancé’s penis. Her friend’s cheeky response: “Congrats girl. It’s huge!”
7. A new “No, no, no, no, no” beauty trend has women’s fingernails looking like teeth.
8. Pamela Anderson “penned a letter” (so chic!) to Kanye West asking for his support of Julian Assange. Totally normal and fine.
9. Celine Dion’s 17-year-old son is embarking on a Rap career under the moniker Big Tip.
10. Two months after announcing his split from wife Vanessa Trump, Don Jr. is reportedly dating Fox News host Kimberly Guilfoyle.
11. Mena Suvari is set to star as Nicole Brown Simpson in a horror movie about how a ghost haunted and maybe murdered her.
12. At 80 years old, Jane Fonda says she has officially retired from the dating pool, crushing countless hearts everywhere. I mean, have you seen her lately? Jane Fonda can still very much get it.
This article appears in May 9-16, 2018.