Everybody Scream Now
In the most egregious recent case of “haters gon’ hate,” it was reported this week that Canadian police fined a man for singing too loudly in his car last month. Taoufik Moalla was driving around Montreal, jamming to his tune of choice — C+C Music Factory’s “Gonna Make You Sweat (Everybody Dance Now)” — when police pulled him over. Four cops surrounded a befuddled Moalla. After all, he wasn’t speeding or driving recklessly; he was simply following the lyrics’ instruction to let the music take control, let the rhythm move you. Police did not wish to commend Moalla’s appreciation of ’90s jams, but instead wrote him a ticket for screaming in a public place, which is a violation of “peace and tranquility.” Of course Canada has peace and tranquility laws. How loud do you have to be shouting “Everybody dance now!” in America for it to be considered a disturbance? Maybe Canadians have sensitive ears. One thing’s for sure: If you’re north of the border, C+C gonna make you sing ’til you’re fined!
Friday’s Nerd Media Frenzy
Friday was dubbed Nerd Christmas as a number of new media — games, shows and movies galore — dropped Oct. 27. Apparently, if you’re excited about electronics, television, video games or movies, you are a nerd. #WeAreAllNerds What debuted that day? The highly anticipated second season of Stranger Things on Netflix; Jigsaw, the 34th Saw sequel; video games Super Mario Odyssey, Wolfenstein 2: The New Colossus and Assassin’s Creed Origins; and the iPhone X. All that was missing was a surprise Beyoncé album! For a certain group of consumers (read: NERDS), this weekend was a pricey one, marked with very little fresh air or natural sunlight.
JT Returns to the Super Bowl Stage
Justin Timberlake will headline the 2018 Super Bowl halftime show, it was confirmed this week. The triple-threat performer should serve up an entertaining show: Maybe we’ll see an *NSYNC reunion and special appearances by his collaborators from over the years. The announcement sparked discussion about the last time Timberlake performed at the event — 14 years ago — when the term “wardrobe malfunction” entered our collective vocabulary. In the early 2000s, the trend for Super Bowl performances was a mash-up of popular acts. In 2004, that included Jessica Simpson, P. Diddy, Kid Rock, Nelly, Timberlake and Janet Jackson. When the latter two were singing a duet of JT’S “Rock Your Body,” the earth stood still as Justin uttered the line, “gonna have you naked by the end of this song,” ripped off Jackson’s patent leather top and revealed one breast adorned with an interesting sun-shaped piercing. The FCC clutched their pearls, setting America back a few decades in terms of debate over indecency in broadcasting. Worst of all, everyone blamed Ms. Jackson even though it was Justin who exposed her nip. Classic patriarchy. Now fans are calling for #JusticeForJanet! The queen is currently on tour, so she is in performance mode. This would be the perfect opportunity for her vindication. Whip out his D, Janet! You have to wonder, will the Super Bowl pack as big of a punch this year now that the actual president of the United States is urging fans to boycott the NFL? Between competitive contact sports, the worshipping of capitalism via big-budget commercials and Velveeta-doused junk food buffets, there’s nothing more American than the Super Bowl.
Northside Yacht Club Wins Halloween
It’s the Halloweekend, baby, and I hope you had you some fun. Ahead of Tuesday’s trick-or-treating, adults across the city, country and globe celebrated Halloween this past weekend with costume parties and bar-hopping. Quintessentially 2017 costumes included Pennywise from It, pregnant Kylie Jenner, the meme-worthy Salt Bae, Wonder Woman and even “fake news.” But the best costume award goes to Northside Yacht Club, which dressed up as the infamous Northside Applebee’s this weekend! A couple years ago, Northsiders lost their damn minds when rumors of the neighborhood-friendly restaurant chain infiltrating their ~hip and local~ digs. Of course, it was just a prank (actual fake news, one might argue), but no one quite got past it. NSYC transformed into an Applebee’s for Halloweekend, complete with signage, a host stand, new website and a menu of Appleteasers, ’Bee’s-inspired craft cocktails and desserts. Patrons could check out the temporarily transformed bar Friday and Saturday. By Sunday brunch, the Yacht Club was back in its original form, as if it was all a dream. If only the same could be said of our Halloweekend antics. (Still hungover; please send Gatorade.)
Fake Cloud Gate Events Flood Facebook
If you’ve ever been to Chicago, you’ve likely visited Cloud Gate, the public art installation located in Millennium Park that’s also known as The Bean, because it looks like a giant silver legume. A Facebook event inviting folks to Windex The Bean went viral, with more than 3,000 RSVPs and 25,000 others “interested” in attending. Other Bean-related social events began popping up, including “Paint the Bean black so they can’t Windex it,” “steal the original bean and replace it with a fake,” “Help The Bean Turn Back into Alex Mack,” “Release the Hamsters Sleeping Inside the Bean,” “Mansplain to the Bean, at the Bean, it’s Cloudgate, actually ;0” and “Paint the Bean ‘Pinkest Pink’ to annoy sculptor Anish Kapoor” — a nod to The Bean’s creator owning exclusive rights to use Vantablack (the blackest substance known) for artistic purposes. (Fun fact: British artist Stuart Semple created the “world’s pinkest pink” pigment in response to Kapoor owning the blackest shade of black. Kapoor is legally banned from purchasing Semple’s Pepto-Bismol shade). Fake Cloud Gate events are officially a meme. And now it seems the trend is making its way to the Tristate: “Sneak an Iceberg into Kentucky and Sink the Ark” is scheduled at the Ark Encounter in Williamstown, Ky., for Nov. 5. Per the Facebook description, “shhhh don’t tell Ken Ham.”
CONTACT T.C. BRITTON: letters@citybeat.com
This article appears in Oct 25 – Nov 1, 2017.
