If Cincinnati Neighborhoods Were Kentucky Derby Hats, Here's What They Would Be
Soon, Churchill Downs will be filled with the sounds of bugles, pounding hooves and spectators clamoring to see the most exciting two minutes in sports. Mint juleps will be passed around, horses will run for the roses and outlandish hats will be donned.
There may be no more recognizable tradition of the Kentucky Derby (beyond the animal abuse and problematic playing of "My Old Kentucky Home") than the Derby hats. Each hat takes on the very distinct feel of its wearer and can range from a simple fascinator to a feathered, bedazzled monstrosity. And that got CityBeat to thinking: What would Northside look like as a Derby hat? OTR? Indian Hill?
Keep scrolling to find out.
The Banks
There may be fewer places around Cincinnati that make you go “WTF did I just see?” than at The Banks on a weekend night, and seeing this Muppet-skin hat in person would probably elicit the same reaction. Crafted with trifle-like layers of plumage, ribbon, fake flowers and a jaunty feather on top, it looks like something that may actually wash up on the banks of the Ohio River. But we still love it and its neighborhood counterpart for all their messy glory.
Indian Hill
Seeing as Indian Hill is pretty much a giant, walking Kentucky Derby hat, we had to choose the Deby hat to end all Derby hats. Sporting fake flowers, feathers and netting, this hat has real “box seats at the Derby” and “you can’t sit with us” energy, much like the wealthy village’s large imposing homes guarded by driveways that are longer than Churchill Downs’ track and its residents-only nature preserve Grand Valley. “Be gone, peasants,” -this hat, probably.1 of 18
Oakley
It’s no secret Oakley grew up watching its older sibling Hyde Park get all the attention. Now in the midst of its glow-up of adding cookie bakery chains and overpriced luxury apartments, it’s donning a hat and racing off to the Kentucky Derby. Except, Oakley and its hat are a little too ruffly, a little too mix-matched and a little too try-hard. It’s okay, Oakley; we still like you…even if you do make driving down Madison now an exercise in patience and kindness.2 of 18
Northside
Colorful, plumes everywhere and an air of I-just-wanna-have-fun, this hat screams “ready for a good time in Northside.” This hat looks ready to pop into Urban Artifact for a couple fruit tarts before seeing a drag show and dancing the night away. And Sunday morning, she’ll be stumbling into Northside Yacht Club for a breakfast burrito and a Capri Sun of Anarchy.3 of 18
Over-the-Rhine
A touch of tradition, but a lot of personality and character is a spot-on way to describe both OTR and these hats. Where you have the classic shape of a Derby hat, you also have vibrant colors to make these more modern – just like how OTR maintains its historical integrity through its Italianate buildings and nods to its brewing and German heritage – but with more candy colors and nightlife. Plus, we’re pretty sure we saw cocktails in these exact same colors at Somerset.5 of 18
Hyde Park
Indian Hill’s chiller, but still pretty moneyed, cousin Hyde Park is a little less flashy with its money. This hat is elegant in an understated way and the little purple buds bring to mind Ault Park’s (technically in neighboring Mt. Lookout) springtime cherry blossoms.6 of 18
Covington
Artist Frank Duveneck painted this red Kentucky Derby-esque hat, so we're using it to pay homage to his hometown of Covington. While this technically isn’t a Derby hat, we could totally see Lady With a Red Hat, a.k.a. Maggie Wilson, wearing this to the Run for the Roses. Plus, in 1904 (the year this was painted), the winner of the Kentucky Derby, Elwood, was also the winner of the 1904 Latonia Derby – which happened right down the road from Duveneck’s hometown. Coincidence? Probably.7 of 18
Clifton/Corryville/CUF
The University of Cincinnati’s surrounding neighborhoods are the guy who got too trashed too early to actually make it to the Derby. So instead, he strapped on a beer helmet and is drunkenly cheering at the TV for the horse in the back of the pack that he bet all his money on.8 of 18
Cheviot
Cheviot’s the dad at the track who’s definitely not getting dressed up for a horse race, even one as prestigious as the Kentucky Derby. He’s got his trusty Reds hat on; after all, it’s never let him down, unlike the “sure bet” he made on the 5-1 horse who just got beat by the 80-1 underdog.9 of 18
Avondale
Peacock feathers are often a symbol of wild, natural beauty. And thanks to the Cincinnati Zoo & Botanical Garden in Avondale, many Cincinnatians and visitors get to see and explore that natural beauty up close without having to leave the city. Circled with peacock feathers, his fascinator reminds us of the fascinating world the zoo opens us up to.10 of 18
Price Hill
Price Hill is creative, individualistic and just kind of does its own thing, which means don’t expect it to show up to the Derby in a pouffy, colorful, bejeweled hat just because everyone else is. We’re sticking some plastic horses in the band of a fedora and calling it a day. We’re not even going to talk about why one of those horses is missing its head. Don’t worry about it.11 of 18
Reading
This white lace and floral creation gives off serious tying-the-knot vibes, and there’s perhaps no place in Greater Cincinnati more wedding-inclined than Reading’s Bridal District. After the ponies run, pop a birdcage veil on this baby and giddy up down the aisle to the un-bridal-ed sound of bugles.12 of 18
Norwood
Norwood almost popped a tire on its own potholes and got stuck in traffic near Rookwood trying to get to the Derby, so don’t talk shit about Norwood’s hat. Be happy Norwood even showed up in a hat today at all.13 of 18
Florence
KENTUCKY DERBY Y’ALL. This hat sports red and white stripes similar to the iconic Florence Water Tower, a beacon for I-71/75’s weary travelers and those trying to remember where the mall’s exit is.14 of 18
Walnut Hills
Walnut Hills is home to beautiful Eden Park, which in turn is home to the beautiful Krohn Conservatory and the Cincinnati Art Museum. Considering this hat was crafted with every medium known to man and looks like the subject of a still life painting, it’s the perfect representation of this artistic community. The neighborhood is also home to a growing arts and culture scene with both ArtWorks Cincinnati and the Cincinnati Ballet moving their facilities there.15 of 18
Central Business District/Downtown
The heart of Cincinnati is, of course, downtown. It’s something that bonds all of us together, much like the way the alternating red and black stripes bond this whole hat together – juncta juvant (strength in unity) and all that. And downtown is home to an arts district as well as numerous small businesses and restaurants, creating different stripes that blend together into a whole community. (Plus, this hat looks like something Mr. Red would wear if he were cast in a movie as the evil mayor of turn-of-the-century Cincinnati.)16 of 18
Columbia Tusculum
If we’re talking about traditions, we can’t leave out Cincinnati’s oldest neighborhood. Columbia Tusculum was founded in 1788 and is home to Cincinnati’s own Painted Ladies. These stunning Victorian homes feature bright colors and intricate architectural details, making them fun, but still stately. This hat is similar: the bubblegum pink makes it bright and colorful, but it still has the regalness of a traditional Derby hat.17 of 18
Mt. Adams
Mt. Adams is perched high up on a hill, and the fact that it’s looking down on the city could give it the chance to tell you all the ways it’s better than you: winding European-esque streets, fancy houses, fantastic views and that it does, in fact, share ownership of Eden Park with Walnut Hills, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. But Mt. Adams isn’t going to say any of that; Mt. Adams is just going to lightly adjust its pink-rose fascinator it chose for its subtlety and smirk into its mint julep.18 of 18
