Minimum Gauge: McCartney Masturbation Interview Leads to Biggest Pun Explosion in History (Probably)

Plus, Pussy Riot spokesperson may have been poisoned under sketchy circumstances (i.e. being outspoken in Russia) and Tony Bennett sets coveted "longest time between the release of an original recording and a re-recording of the same single" world record

click to enlarge New York Post, you're usually a buncha jerkoffs, but — gotta hand it to you — you really nailed this one.
New York Post, you're usually a buncha jerkoffs, but — gotta hand it to you — you really nailed this one.
HOT: Gold-Like Pun Rush

Paul McCartney was apparently holding back for the perfect album promotion hook a story about how he and John Lennon (along with other pals) masturbated in the same room together. He whipped it out in a recent GQ interview to raise awareness of his new Egypt Station. (Which makes you wonder what other weird Beatles tales he’s got in the queue for future releases.) The circle-jerk story about the young bandmates might give the new LP a little more pull on the charts, but it definitely got a massive amount of viral attention, leading to perhaps the greatest mass explosion of puns in the history of mankind. “Come Together” and “We Can Work It Out” were big ones on social media (bonus points to “Wanking Class Hero” and “Love Me Goo”) and on late-night talk shows, a few of which seemed to mine enough material for an hour-long special. People enjoyed Beatle-y lyrical wordplay as well. Meanwhile, the New York Post thought of a Beatles jack-off pun they felt was so good, they put it on their cover (with a couple of stray "Come Together" and "Hard Day's Night" riffs thrown in for good measure) — “Beat the Meatles.”

WARM: Pussy Riot Poisoning

Pyotr Verzilov, A member of Russian activism/arts/music collective Pussy Riot (and publisher of independent Russian news site Mediazona), was hospitalized and is in critical condition, with colleagues and doctors speculating that he was poisoned, possibly at the behest of the Russian government for being vehemently critical of it. He is currently in a Moscow hospital and is reportedly losing his ability to talk, see and move. Verzilov (who operates as Pussy Riot’s official spokesperson) fell ill after a court hearing on Sept. 11 related to a questionable “traffic offense” involving a Pussy Riot musician. Those assuming he was poisoned have good reason — outspoken Russians seem to be not-so-randomly poisoned often in former-KGB-agent Vladimir Putin’s country, as well as outside of it. Two members of Pussy Riot were jailed for running on to the field earlier this summer during the World Cup in Russia.

COLD: Fascinating Record

The legendary Tony Bennett thankfully hasn’t resorted to youthful sex tales to sell albums (yet?), but his handlers are not above drumming up some pub through other somewhat strange means. Bennett’s new album with Diana Krall, Love is Here to Stay, features the duo’s version of Jazz standard “Fascinating Rhythm,” which Bennett first recorded in 1949 when he was using the name Joe Bari. At an album launch party, a rep for the Guinness World Records announced that the span between the two recordings was worthy of the record books. Here’s the official decree: “The longest time between the release of an original recording and a re-recording of the same single ('Fascinating Rhythm') by the same artist is 68 years 342 days, achieved by Tony Bennett (USA) in New York, New York, USA, on 3 August 2018.” PR stunt, sure, but it’s Tony Freakin’ Bennett — give the man whatever plaque or honor he wants.

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