Confessions of a Twenty-Something in Cincinnati: Greek Life Beyond Bama

I didn’t have a gender growing up. While I was born female and raised as a good Christian girl, my gender didn’t align with that, not really. Before I was diagnosed as autistic, I was “developmentally delayed.” Post-diagnosis, I was just autistic. Any other aspects of my identity were secondary, if not isolated, and my heart felt nothing because it was too fractured to feel anything.

Most of the adults in my life — regardless if their intentions were pure — imposed their preconceived notions, assumptions and biases about autism onto me. Subsequently, most, if not all, decisions about my life were made for me because of my autism, from the significant to the minute.

I wasn’t allowed to attend sleepovers and birthday parties, have a device of my own or even wear makeup at the time girls my age began wearing it. I wasn’t allowed to dress femininely, try out for cheerleading, go to a public high school, go to a spa, get a manicure done, earn and keep money, have a girls' night, be in a car with someone under 25 driving, exchange girl talk via call or text, have a boyfriend or even crush on boys like girls my age were allowed to do. Autism came first; autism was the priority; autism was dominant. Everything else was collateral damage to be controlled.

The intricacies of autism in females can be an entirely separate article on its own, but what does any of this have to do with Greek life and sororities? Well, for starters, this was largely the reason I wanted to join a sorority in the first place.

I wanted to explore and express my femininity and girlhood that I was so frequently barred from when I was younger — almost right up until I turned 18 — on my terms. The idea that there was a space where feminine girliness was not scoffed at as frivolous or a waste of time, but rather accepted and desired by other women, was highly attractive to me. So I went through formal recruitment in the fall 2022 semester at the University of Cincinnati. In addition, combined with a strained relationship with my parents and my mother wanting nothing to do with me going to college, recruitment was one of the few things I was looking forward to at the time.

Based on my research prior to the recruitment process, the University of Cincinnati doesn’t have a really big Greek life or an emphasis on Greek culture. This tracks with most northern and Midwestern schools, with some exceptions like The Ohio State University and Miami University. I was nervous, but excited, and genuinely thought I’d have a solid shot.

What I found most interesting is that throughout both formal and informal recruitment and even outside of it, one of the sororities' sole talking points was (and still is) how much they’re “not like other girls” in other sororities. The “top-tier” sororities refer to the University of Alabama’s Panhellenic Council, while sororities of a “lower tier” refer to the top-tiers.

For context, the Panhellenic Council at Alabama has sparked interest in the cultural zeitgeist about a year after COVID shutdowns here in the states, so much so that it inspired the Max documentary Bama Rush in March 2023. I’m guessing everyone’s interest stemmed from a need for hyper-stimulation post-COVID; morbid curiosity in the lives of privileged, white college women; and a little bit of misogyny as well.

What’s the difference between formal versus informal recruitment? In order to give a rough explanation, here’s a brief breakdown of common sorority and Greek jargon.

Formal recruitment is what you mainly see on RushTok, short for the sorority side of social media, with the sorority women dancing outside of their houses, potential new members (PNMs) posting their recruitment outfits, etc. Formal recruitment participants are PNMs, with Rho Gammas serving as their Greek guides who temporarily disaffiliate from their sororities during this time period. After a PNM has been offered a bid (official invitation into a sorority) and accepts it, they’re now a new member, and the rest of the new members that have accepted their bids as well are referred to as a pledge class.

As a new member, you go through a pledge ceremony and a few weeks of new member training, essentially learning more about your sorority, its values, history, etc. while completing corresponding learning modules online. Once the training period is completed, there’s an initiation ceremony and you’re now officially an active member.

In terms of formal versus informal, formal recruitment is a short period of time where PNMs visit every house within their college’s Panhellenic Council — the governing body of historically white sororities. The houses PNMs visit after the first open house round narrow down based on two factors: which sororities PNMs like and which PNMs sororities like. Each day of recruitment is a differing theme of values, sisterhood, philanthropy, etc. — with the dress code getting progressively more formal — all leading to bid day.

In contrast, informal recruitment is this whole process but dialed down by half, and not all sororities will necessarily participate.

“Interested in informal recruitment?” the Cincinnati Panhellenic Sororities’ Instagram post asks, “Be sure to check out the Instagram pages of each sorority participating to find dates and times for recruitment events!”

For this spring semester, out of the 11 Panhellenic chapters at UC, nine of them announced their participation in informal recruitment.

There are a lot of other procedures and terminology as well, but these are some of the basics.

Based on the subheading of this article, one might assume that my sorority experience was a completely negative one. However, that’s not entirely true.

I helped out with a popsicle and lemonade sale for Cincinnati Children’s Hospital. I attended a few fun sisterhoods, which were events outside of general body meetings (called chapter) revolving around just bonding and hanging out. I went to a sleepover hosted at the sorority house with my pledge class where we danced, sang karaoke and watched Legally Blonde. I felt inspired after going to a Greek engagement and leadership conference, where I met so many people from different Greek organizations and councils on campus. I met people in my sorority who I thought at the time weren’t just my sisters, but my friends.

That was until the great sorority shoe dropped.

I was eating dinner at CenterCourt, one of UC’s dining halls when I received this email from my sorority’s National Honor Policy Coordinator:

“Attached is a letter that explains your standing with [name redacted]. I received Honor Process referrals detailing that you owe a balance to the chapter, have disrupted chapter facility safety and other behavioral concerns. At this time, your pledge to [name redacted] has been broken. I know this is unexpected, so I will call you later this evening or tomorrow to answer any questions that you have.”

What does that mean? The letter attached listed the following:

“Article IX, Section 2 of the [name redacted] Constitution and Bylaws – Discipline and Dismissals;

Discipline of Provisional Members:

● A1: Violation of the rules or standards of the Fraternity or of the college or university; violation of the laws of the United States or any state thereof.

● A4: Contributing in any manner to impairment of the welfare or prestige of the Fraternity.

● A6: Acts contributing to the impairment of chapter unity.”

Yet again, what does that mean? And why was this sent to me the day after our weekly chapter meeting? Our weekly chapter meeting, where we wrote our name on a sheet of paper and passed it around for others to write messages on for community building. Some of the messages on my paper included:

“You are such a cool person! I’m happy to get to know you.”

“It’s so nice to see how open and honest you are.”

“Love the buzzcut! It looks so good.”

“You have such a sweet personality and belong in this chapter.”

“You are so loved here!”

Your pledge has been broken. You have been broken. You’re broken.

Circling back to my listed violations, what stood out to me was the word usage of “or,” “impairment,” “contributing” and “violation.” What was defined as a violation? What was defined as contributing? What was defined as impairment? What did I even do? None of these definitions are provided, only assumed based on the reader’s interpretation: you could be considered “breaking your pledge” just by being a little weird or other members thinking you’re weird because of how intentionally vague this language is.

While I did gain some positive experiences from being a sorority member, the manner of which I was kicked out has tainted them. The fact that it’s been over a year and none of my former sisters have reached out to me or given their side of the story doesn’t help much either. Yet if I could do it all over, I’d probably still go through recruitment and accept a bid from somewhere else I felt more connected to.

Overall, if anyone thinks this is some sort of anti-Greek life exposé, that’s just plainly wrong. While there are many, many fundamental issues with Greek councils that I haven’t even scratched the surface of in this article, those organizations can be incredibly valuable to a student: from networking and community service opportunities, to just a support system or even housing. I don’t think Greek life is for everyone, but if you’re interested in it, at least give recruitment a shot. My only warning is to make sure you don’t find yourself blinded by the rose-colored glasses of #RushTok.