Morning News and Stuff

May 23, 2011 at 1:21 pm

President Obama today paid visit to Moneygall, Ireland, where his great-great-great grandfather once lived and worked as a shoemaker. The president reportedly got to hug a distant relative, 26-year-old accountant Henry Healy, who four years ago discovered he was one of Obama’s closest Irish relatives. The president has already succeeded in showing the GOP that he can dig up mute points from his past just as well as Trump, Gingrich, Bachmann or Palin. And to think he did it on the first day of his four-country Europe trip.—-

Amy Myers, the 16-year-old high school sophomore who last month challenged Michelle Bachmann to a constitutional debate via an open letter, has been threatened with violence and tormented with name-calling by Tea Party supporters. “A lot of them are calling me a whore,” Myers said of the anonymous threateners. “They’re targeting me just because I’m challenging Bachmann.”

Republican state representative Fredrick Wintle is in custody today after allegedly threatening to shoot a photographer for the Maine Morning Sentinel in a Dunkin Donuts parking lot this weekend. According to The Portland Press Herald, Wintle allegedly started talking to Michael Seamans about an infant that died last week at a homeless shelter and said he was looking for the mother’ s drug dealer. Wintle then reportedly pulled a .22-caliber handgun out of his waistband and pointed at Seamans. Police confirmed that Seamans was “ an innocent bystander” who did nothing to provoke Wintle. Some people just can’ t handle their éclairs.

The organizers of a Tea Party rally in Columbia, S.C., said last Thursday that they were expecting to draw a crowd of 2,000 to 3,000 people. In actuality, 30 people showed up. More people turned up to my girl Sabrina Reolon’s birthday last night at O’Malley’s.

Tea Partying

Rapture believers are perplexed about their failed prediction that Judgment Day would occur on Saturday when really it’s quite simple: “Macho Man” Randy Savage power bombed Jesus in order to prevent the end of the world.

Stop right there, Jesus!

Evangelicals who were crazy enough to listen to Harold Camping’s prediction are wondering what the fuck happened to all their money. "I do not understand why … I do not understand why nothing has happened," said Robert Fitzpatrick, a retired transportation agency worker in New York who reportedly spent more than $140,000 of his savings on rapture adverts in the build-up to Judgment Day. "I can't tell you what I feel right now. Obviously, I haven't understood it correctly because we're still here." For these clowns, now everyday is judgment day.