Jake's Notes: As Christmastime approached, I started thinking about all of the odd yuletide traditions, like elves. Which Gospel are they from? Surely, elves preceded Santa; so, I threw myself into the pre-St. Nickian world of the elf to try to understand what life would've been like for them before they were forged into Santa slavery for eternity.
Santa Will Make It All Right — Click here to Listen
By: Jake Speed 12/3/2006
Way up North, before the Santa Claus days The elves lived together and were doing okay The temperature was cold, but they got by fine And they never heard a word about Christmastime
Then Old St. Nick on his F-10 sleigh Stormed to the Pole one cold winter's day He told the elves he had a plan in mind He said, "You all should believe in Christmastime."
Its Christmastime, a change is a-coming Believe and everything will be fine Its Christmastime, a change is a-coming Santa Claus will make it all right
Christmastime, Santa taught, Is a much better time than anything you've got. Just believe in everything I say And you'll be much happier on Christmas Day
The elves believed in Santa's words and they gave it a shot, doing Santa's work They slaved and slaved for one whole year Just believe a little longer, it's almost here
Bridge: Then Christmas Day never seemed to come And all those elves got all fed up They started feuding amongst themselves
Santa Claus plan was shot to hell Some elves got greedy and kept wanting more Pretty soon the whole thing was an Elf Civil War Bomb, bomb, boom went the North Pole night Merry Christmas to all and to all a good fight
The whole North Pole is on fire Thousands of elves are dying Even Rudolph is sick and tired Everyone wants Santa fired
But Santa keeps right on lying Just believe and everything will be fine.