What’s On Your Mind, Cincinnati: How to Keep Your New Year's Resolutions

This story is featured in CityBeat's Feb. 7 print edition.

Mike Madanat, the founder of Authentic Life Counseling, will be answering your burning questions in the "What’s On Your Mind, Cincinnati?" advice column each month.

Lately, I've been feeling a bit lost, and I thought reaching out to you might offer some clarity. I'm in my thirties and working what feels like a dream job — on paper, everything seems fantastic. But truth be told, I'm not as happy with myself as I used to be. I feel like I am in a rut and just going through the motions — wake up, work, socialize with friends, go home, sleep and repeat. I was looking forward to the new year and had made some New Year’s resolutions that I thought could help kick-start a change. But as the year has started, I have struggled to find motivation to follow through on the resolutions I set for myself. I feel really disappointed in myself even though on the surface, everything seems normal. I used to approach New Year's resolutions without fear, ticking off goals effortlessly. However, I've fallen short recently, and I'm struggling to understand why or how to get back on the right track.

Your guidance would mean the world to me. I'm desperately seeking advice on how to feel energized again. How can I better approach my resolutions and feel excited about my goals again? Any insights or tips you can share would be immensely appreciated.

Thank you for your support,

Anonymous (she/her)

Thank you for your question. As we enter a new year, I want you to know that you are not alone in your feelings of being unmotivated in your New Year's resolutions. Of the roughly 35% of Americans who have kicked off the new year with resolutions, only a mere 8% successfully see them through. I thank you for sharing your story because I am sure many who read this will resonate with how you feel.

Oftentimes, especially in the new year, our society focuses a lot of energy on developing resolutions, often targeting “quick fixes” or instant gratification. Subsequently, when resolutions are not achieved quickly or we encounter setbacks, we can experience frustration and shame, causing us to ultimately abandon our New Year’s resolutions. This can be an exhausting and draining cycle.

Although I am not familiar with your specific resolutions, I would press you to delve deeper into understanding your “why” behind your resolutions. Are your resolutions shaped by external validation and wanting approval from others? Are your resolutions shaped by comparing yourself to someone else?  If so, perhaps a way to increase your motivation is to root your resolutions with the values that resonate with you. Studies show that individuals who connect their goals with their core values show stronger persistence over time (Oettingen et al., 2001). By rejecting comparison culture and the need for external validation, you can shift your focus on accomplishments that align with your authentic aspirations.

At think2perform.com/values you can find a great interactive value card exercise where you can narrow down a list of 51 values to your top 5. This activity will help shed light on what matters most to you at this moment and help you align your resolutions with your core values. For example, maybe you find that adventure is a value that resonates most with you, and in your earlier years, your resolutions revolved around trips abroad. Now, you have a full-time job along with more responsibilities so taking a trip is not as easy as it was during your undergraduate studies. How could you develop a sense of adventure here in the Cincinnati area? Perhaps a new resolution would be to try new restaurants or bars in town. Your goals can revolve around allowing yourself to embrace the thrill of discovering unique flavors, challenging your palate and savoring the joy of culinary exploration. 

Perhaps one of your values is authenticity and your resolution was to foster deeper connections with your social circle and loved ones. How can you infuse authenticity into your resolution? You could make a goal to prioritize honest and transparent communication, committing to sharing your genuine feelings and thoughts, which all align with a more value-based life. By focusing on actions that are rooted in our values, we can place less emphasis on simply checking things off a list, and work towards sustained habits. 

When faced with setbacks, try to be kind to yourself and make room for the uncomfortable thoughts, emotions and sensations without attempting to change or control them. This practice can be defined as experiential acceptance and mindfulness can be a great tool to support this. By finding time for mindfulness and incorporating the practice into your daily habits, you will begin to develop the awareness of when you deviate from your core values and have the tools to recenter yourself. Here is a list of 3 forms of mindfulness you could practice, but there are many more forms available that you could find online.

1. Sensory Awareness Walk: During outdoor activities, notice the sounds, smells and sensations around you. Stay attuned to the present experience rather than getting lost in your thoughts.
2. Body Scan Meditation: Bring awareness to each part of your body, noting sensations without judgment to help enhance the connection with your mind and body.
3. Mindful Reflection Journal: Jot down your thoughts and feelings as you participate in goals aligned with your resolution. Be aware of how these actions align with your values and reflect on when you deviate and why.

While values remain consistent, the methods and exercises chosen can evolve, which allows for continuous growth and alignment with your values. Instead of fixating on specific outcomes, encourage yourself to set goals that align with your values so you ease into the acceptance of adjusting from time to time. 

Good luck! Remember, each small step forward is a victory in itself. Embrace the journey ahead with hope, knowing that every effort you make brings you closer to achieving your resolutions. Wishing you a year filled with progress, positivity and the fulfillment of your aspirations. Here’s to a brighter tomorrow and the endless possibilities it holds! 

Each month, CityBeat will be publishing a question (or two) answered by Mike in our print issues and online. These questions can be related to personal relationships, your professional life, mental health issues or anything else you feel could use Michael’s guidance. Your identity will not be disclosed. Submit your burning questions now via email to [email protected].