Here's How Barbie Would Live if Her Dreamhouse Were in Cincinnati

Barbie’s Dreamhouse

You simply can’t talk about Barbie’s life in Cincinnati without picking out her Barbie Dreamhouse. Now, keep in mind, this is Cincinnati’s version, which is why Ms. Barb would wake up, open her window and say “Hi, Barbie!” to shop merchants from her 1880 Italianate at Findlay Market.

Sugar n’ Spice Diner

4381 Reading Road, Paddock Hills (temporarily closed); 1203 Sycamore St., Pendleton; 10275 Summit Parkway, Blue Ash
If you had to pick one Barbie business in all of Cincinnati, it might have to be Sugar n’ Spice. The chrome diner exterior makes you wish you were a giant so you could pick it up with one hand, holding your always-shoeless Barbie in the other. In Cincinnati’s Barbieland, you float inside the dreamy, pastel-pink interior and float up to the bar for a mimosa and coffee. Barbie knows the “Whispy Thin” banana pancakes at Sugar n’ Spice are to die for. She orders two with a side of sunnyside eggs and bacon. The result is a classic picture-perfect breakfast fit for Barbieland.

Hi-Bred

4041 Hamilton Ave., Northside
While we’re gobbling up modern Barbie’s fashion in Greta Gerwig’s new movie, there’s just something so Barbie about the iconic doll’s vintage style. Hi-Bred Vintage in Northside can outfit you and your crew for a retro-themed screening of Barbie.

Good Judy’s

4169 Hamilton Ave., Northside
Come on, Barbie, let’s go party…at Good Judy’s. The boutique dive drag bar radiates an all-Barbies-welcome energy. Kitchy frames upon floral wallpaper are lit with moody pink lights and the twinkle of floating chandeliers. Wear your tallest heels and prepare to be transported to a magical land of queer positivity and beauty.

Ziegler Park Pool

216 Woodward St., Pendleton
Barbie wouldn’t be Barbie without a pool, and we know just the one for her in Cincinnati. Those who have stopped by Ziegler Park Pool recently know the area has Barbie written all over it. The newly expanded Ziegler Park has given the pool area a cozy extension with turf grass and a soon-to-open taco spot. The bright green faux grass and multi-color murals lining the pool feel straight out of the Barbieland set.

Carol Ann’s Carousel

8 E. Mehring Way, The Banks
If Barbie had a profile picture in Cincinnati, it might just be on the Carol Ann Carousel. This iconic carousel located on the Ohio River Trail is spinning with photogenic Barbie moments. The colorful hand-carved animals are the perfect place to pretend you’re in your own Barbie dreamland.

Manicures at Spruce Nail Shop

1818 Race St., Suite 101, Over-the-Rhine
I mean, duh. Spruce has long reigned supreme for their adorable setting and impressive nail techs. Often holding themed events with custom nail art and boppy music, Spruce has captured a communal experience in the self-care splurge. If long, pink, impossibly shiny nails are the Barbie look you’re going for, book with Spruce.

Hair at 316 Beauty Salon

3548 Montgomery Road, Evanston
Scanning the gallery of 316 Beauty Salon ignites the sudden urge for a completely new hairstyle. The ladies at 316 leave clients feeling and looking like their Barbie-self. The salon’s website says all hair textures are welcome to book at 316, and service options even include waxing and mani-pedis. Barbie, of course, would stop next door at Cream + Sugar Coffeehouse for a post-salon treat.

Tom Wesselmann, Still Life #60 mural

811 Main St., Downtown
Of all the murals that Barbie could pose in front of in Cincinnati, it would be the giant lipstick at 811 Main St. Tom Wesselmann’s Still Life #60 is a billboard-sized still life painting composed of six separate shaped canvas panels. According to ArtWorks, Wesselmann was born in Cincinnati and attended both the University of Cincinnati and the Art Academy before moving to New York City. The hot pink lipstick, the ring peering at the audience in front of a pair of sunglasses. Barbie gets it.

Cincinnati Rollergirls

We’re writing to Mattel NOW to insist the mega-brand make a Cincinnati Rollergirls Barbie. While the skater gang of kickass derby girls is usually found wearing mostly black, their energy and ethos oozes Barbie fervor. “Be annoying! Be loud! Be a menace!” a roller girl once told CityBeat. Take up all the space you need, Barbie. You own this town.

The Cincinnati Zoo & Botanical Gardens

3400 Vine St., Avondale
If Barbie is anything (I mean, she’s everything) she is ambitious. Which is why Barbie would 100% work at the Cincinnati Zoo if she were a Queen City resident. At the top of her game, Barbie would head up the Cat Ambassador program. She’d handle cats big and small, endangered and abundant, sick or spritely, researching their every move and publishing fascinating observations about kitty behavior. And naturally, she’d look fab doing it.

Homemakers Bar

39 E. 13th St.
Barbie is only classified as a housewife when she enters her favorite bar – Homemakers in Over-the-Rhine. The feminine, colorful atmosphere is balanced by strong, biting drinks from serious cocktail craftswomen.

Krohn Conservatory Butterfly Room

1501 Eden Park Drive, Walnut Hills
Remember that “Elefun” butterfly catching game from our infomercial youth? The one where the upright trunk shoots thin plastic butterflies across the room that you lose and catch with a flimsy net? If we could go back and Babie-fy this game, it would be fashioned after the Krohn Conservatory’s Butterfly Room. Perhaps an inflatable greenhouse with pink trim that blows butterflies all around as you catch each one delicately on a scratch-and-sniff card. Live like Barbie and check out the Krohn to feel some butterfly magic.

Tokyo Kitty

575 Race St., Over-the-Rhine
There are a lot of truly great karaoke dive bars in Cincinnati, but Barbie, God love her, wouldn’t be caught dead in any of them. Instead, Barbie would be leading a crowd in song at Tokyo Kitty, Cincinnati’s most sugar-coated karaoke club. While opting for a private room is fun for birthday nights or bachelorette parties, Barbie would dominate the main stage with a familiar throwback like “Age of Aquarius,” “Call Me Maybe” or Mariah Cary’s “Fantasy.”

Ault Park Rose Garden

5090 Observatory Circle, Mt. Lookout
Like Barbieland, the Ault Park Rose Garden feels entirely removed from reality. Breathtaking buds and roses are meticulously landscaped to put on a show for those on a romantic stroll. The sky widens to show you sprawling grounds that feel like a grand estate rather than a public park. If Barbieland is all about dreaming up the most wonderful, feminine versions of life, look no further than Ault Park.