Minimum Gauge: Elton John attendance records trigger spastic POTUS response

Trump rants about organs, brains, mouths and Elton John; vinyl's resurgence keep surging in 2018; after graceful cancellations by Elvis Costello and The Avett Brothers, DJ Khaled appears to bail on festival gig due to "swimming in a swanky pool."

click to enlarge Elton John (circa 1972) at the exact moment he devises a scheme to one day cause a world leader to talk about his organ. - Photo: Heinrich Klaffs (CC-by-2.0)
Photo: Heinrich Klaffs (CC-by-2.0)
Elton John (circa 1972) at the exact moment he devises a scheme to one day cause a world leader to talk about his organ.

HOT: Elton Triggers POTUS

The State Department denied a report that President Trump signed an Elton John CD featuring “Rocket Man” for Secretary Of State Mike Pompeo to give to North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un on a recent visit, a callback to the “Little Rocket Man” nickname that almost got us all killed. But it’s verifiable that POTUS has had John on his mind lately, particularly the Pop star’s attendance records. Trump vomited some trademark word-salad at a Montana rally about why he’s better than Elton, saying (in part), “I have broken more Elton John records, he seems to have a lot of records. And I, by the way, I don’t have a musical instrument. I don’t have a guitar or an organ. No organ. Elton has an organ Really we do it without, like, the musical instruments. This is the only musical: the mouth. And hopefully the brain attached to the mouth. Right? The brain more important than the mouth, is the brain.

UPDATE!: Not-so-amazingly, Trump confirmed on July 10 that while the Elton CD was not delivered to Kim, it does exist and will be given to him at a future date if possible. What a time to be alive!

WARM: Vinyl Keeps Selling

Recent word that Best Buy was ending its sales of CDs on July 1 turned out to be “fake news,” with a store representative saying it was merely reducing shelf-space. Still, with streaming’s increasing dominance, it seems inevitable. It’s likely Best Buy will hold onto its vinyl bins a little longer, though. In the first six months of 2018, sales of vinyl have risen nearly 20 percent compared to the same time period last year, moving 7.6 million units so far. Jack White’s Boarding House Reach is the biggest vinyl seller of 2018, followed by Kendrick Lamar’s DAMN.

COLD: The Show Mustn’t  Go On

Though disappointing, fans are generally understanding when artists axe concert appearances for logical reasons (see: Elvis Costello’s and The Avett Brothers’ recent cancellations). The disappointment is harder to take if the performer boasts on social media that they’re living it up on vacation and frolicking in a fancy pool hours before a bailing on a gig. DJ Khaled did just that moments before U.K.’s Wireless fest said he couldn’t be there to press buttons and yell his name due to “travel issues.”


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